


Tell Me That You Need Me

by hilary



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mutual Pining, Sakamoto Ryuji Has A Palace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:35:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25226923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hilary/pseuds/hilary
Summary: There was a long list of things that puzzled Ryuji Sakamoto to no end.
Relationships: Amamiya Ren/Sakamoto Ryuji, Kurusu Akira/Sakamoto Ryuji, Persona 5 Protagonist/Sakamoto Ryuji
Comments: 34
Kudos: 207





	1. Chapter 1

There was a long list of things that puzzled Ryuji Sakamoto to no end. 

The number one spot currently being taken by the way Captain Kidd had been acting while on Metaverse missions.

Ryuji’s turns in battle were always nerve-wracking, but his Persona had taken it to a new level. He grew more and more self-conscious of his attacks and accuracy and if, to his disappointment, he did miss, the team would yell at him, Captain Kidd would flicker ever so slightly and nausea would prickle at the back of his throat before fading back into his heart after the missed attack. 

Not to mention the little jolts of electricity that would make him flinch outside the Metaverse. He lost count of the amount of times he'd accidentally shocked Akira when Morgana had told a joke with him as the butt of the joke.

So far, Ryuji had thought himself lucky that it was only himself that had noticed his Persona acting this way. He knew that if the eagle eyes of Akira Kurusu spotted the flickering Persona, he'd take Ryuji off the team.

Ryuji had always noticed it happening to only him. Morgana knew exactly what he was doing (to Ryuji's annoyance), Ann had perfect control over Carmen, Yusuke seemed to fit straight into his role as a Phantom Thief with no problems, Johanna never broke down for Makoto, and Akira had a million Persona's to swap at any given point but not one of them flickered like Ryuji's.

However, second on that list was trivial compared to his place on the Phantom Thieves being taken from him by a dodgy Persona - the swirling vortex of emotions in his heart that would occur when his best friend would pop into his head or when the fearless leader would check how he was during missions with his soft and concerned Joker face. Ryuji had made up his mind to never tell Akira about his feelings. He didn't want to think about the reaction he'd get by waltzing up to his (as far as he knew) straight best friend and telling him he loves him in a not-so-platonic way and losing the closest friend he's ever had.

A sudden slamming of brakes jolted Skull out of his disruptive thoughts and into the back of the seat in front.

“Shit dude, warm me first-!”

“Be quiet, Skull!” Mona interrupted his whining. Skull snapped his lips shut, unimpressed with the interruption but not surprised.

Chains echoed through the subway tunnels of Mementos. Morgana let out a noise that resembled a whimper.

A routine Mementos training session, Joker had suggested, to get everyone back in shape after their school trip and for when the time comes to take down a new target. This new development was not part of said training. At least Skull hoped it wasn't, he'd barely scraped through this Mementos trip with the amount of insults he got thrown his way.

"That certainly doesn't sound good." Queen said from the passenger seat, nervously pushing a stray hair behind her ear.

"What do we do, Joker?" Fox questioned from beside Skull. 

Please don't fight, please don't fight, he chanted in his head.

"We'll start heading back, we've all had a good amount of training today. If it's in our way, we'll fight our way through." Joker explained.

Joker sharply threw the Monabus around and sped off towards the escalators, they'd just come from a rest area a floor up so if he could get them to the platform, they'd be fine.

"Joker! Look out!" Oracle cried from the back seat, "It's right around the corner!"

He slammed the brakes on the Monabus again. Skull was prepared this time, he was more aware of his surroundings now that he's not stuck in his head.

"Guess we're fightin' it then?" Skull asked nervously. That alone should've let alarm bells ring in Joker's head, Skull nervous about a fight? 

It's not that he didn't want to fight - he loved beating the crap out of shadows and the jolt of excitement he got from summoning Captain Kidd - but he was getting progressively more scared that his persona would act up again if he fudged an attack on the deadly Reaper that now towered over them.

"Looks like we'll have to make an opening so we can slip through, the platform is just past here." Joker commented. "Skull, Fox, Panther! With me!" He commanded, leaping out of the Monabus and leaving Oracle and Queen with Mona as support.

Joker summoned Arsene and launched an Eigaon at the towering shadow. Fox followed up with a blast of Bufudyne from Goemon, with Panther summoning Carmen to add a Agidyne for good measure.

Skull watched his party members throw their strongest skill at the enemy. Doubt flashed in his mind when it came to his turn. All he was good for was taking the hits for the others, he thought, his electric skills couldn't possibly hope to match their level of damage and skill in battle. He shook his heads away from his self-deprecating thoughts and focused on the battle.

"Let's go, Captain!" He yelled, pulling off the mask as usual to summon the Persona for a Ziodyne.

The Reaper dodged it with ease.

He wasn't surprised but it still stung that his moves were so obvious that a shadow could just step out of the way.

"What the hell was that, Skull?! That was pathetic!" Mona's voice came from the sidelines and echoed around his head.

Captain Kidd's appearance very visibly flickered and the nausea for Skull came at full force.

"Look at them, they don't care about you." Captain's voice boomed in his head, knocking himself off balance. That was new, Kidd had never yelled at him before. Not that Skull welcomed this new change.

"Skull?" Joker's voice called to him.

Skull gulped, willing himself not to throw up as Kidd settled down again, "Don't worry, I'll get it next time."

Joker flashed a concerned look at Skull as he blasted another Eigaon at the shadow through the chaos of battle.

Oracle quickly put her hacking skills to use as Necronomicon healed the team from the sides. 

Skull felt worse for wear and he had only got one attack in. He wobbled dangerously, the humiliation still fresh in his brain. Even with the boost from Oracle, his mind still felt foggy and something in his heart felt wrong when he searched for Kidd.

"One more time, Captain! Ziodyne!" He yelled, willing his Persona to cooperate.

"They never cared, it's an act." Captain Kidd rumbled in the back of his mind, before launching the attack.

A small bolt of lightning grazed the shadow with the force of a low level Zio.

"They never wanted you here in the first place." Kidd's voice gradually faded.

"Skull, you can do better than that!" Panther yelled from the opposite end of the chaos. Skull tried to ignore her, instead he replayed the lines Kidd had been saying.

For the amount of times he'd been called slow, he quickly came to a realisation this time. This had to be his thoughts, his Persona was a part of him after all - his only place to belong was being ripped apart by his own weak and battered heart. 

"You never should've awakened to me."

Skull's heart sank and his mind went blank from Captain Kidd's words. "What…?" He spun around to watch his skeleton captain flicker and snap out of existence, his Phantom Thief attire slipping away with him. He could barely move, not that he could fight even if he wanted to now anyway, Captain Kidd had vanished from his heart. The Reaper took its chance for payback and sent Ryuji flying into the nearby wall with a heavy thud.

"Skull, are you okay?! What's happening?! Where's your Phantom Thief gear?!" Oracle frantically called through her link to the team. Ryuji groaned in pain, managing to shift his body so he sat against the wall. Confusion quickly took over as he spotted his Shujin uniform instead of his usual thief outfit.

"Huh, what… No! Captain Kidd!" His arm flew up to his face when he realised his code-namesake had disappeared too.

"Now! We can get through, Joker!" Fox yelled to the group after a lucky critical attack knocked the Reaper off balance.

Queen wasted no time in driving Mona to the rest of the group, bundling the team into the back of the bus and driving to the platform at full speed.

\-------

No one dared address the elephant in the safe room. It didn't take a genius to see what had happened to Ryuji. The Thieves had taken the seats in the subway shelter in the middle of the platform. Ryuji didn't make it that far in, he had slumped by the wall of the escalators.

He felt awful, he had a splitting headache and he wanted to sleep for a good year or two. Not to mention the pain in his bad leg had flared up and every breath he took hurt like hell - probably a broken rib from being flung into the wall. Ryuji couldn't find it in himself to care.

He could handle the physical injuries no problem, plenty of rest and he'd be good as new in no time. It was the mental injuries the battle had caused that worried him. How could he carry on being a phantom thief if he had no Persona? Maybe he could just reawaken?

The thought of having another intense headache so close after this one made his vision wobble. Or was that just the pain he was in?

Joker was first to approach him.

"Hey… Skull?"

"You wanna have a go at me too?" Ryuji replied, his voice sad and tired.

"No," Joker frowned. "I'm just worried about you." He paused to think about his next sentence. "And as your leader I have to ask... Why exactly did Kidd vanish?"

'All of the team thinks I'm a complete idiot, no one ever wanted me here, and I'm never going to be an equal to them as a person or a Phantom Thief. Oh, and by the way, I'm in love with you, just so you know.'

"Dunno, maybe 'cos I'm exhausted. He'll come back eventually." He lied, trying not to show how much pain he was in. Joker didn't look convinced but he dropped the subject anyway.

"Skull, you know I'm always here if you need to talk. I care about you a lot, you know." Joker softly told the boy, placing a hand on his shoulder. His piercing silver eyes stared lovingly into the faux blonde's chocolate brown ones.

"Thanks," Ryuji smiled, "Guess I should head back, you guys can carry on without me." He stood up shakily and attempted to move towards the escalators. The injury to his ribs stalled his progress but he attempted to ignore it and willed his legs to move properly, but of course it would be his bad leg that would give up on him, sending him crashing to the floor with a yell of agony. Joker quickly moved to catch him.

"I've got you. I think we've all had enough excitement for one day though."

Queen, who had quietly watched the interaction unfold from the shelter, quickly moved to the other side of the broken boy to balance him out.

Eventually, they made their way out of the Metaverse.

Ryuji felt rough, but at least getting out of the Metaverse numbed some of the pain in his leg enough for him to walk on his own again. He'd just have to deal with the potential broken rib radiating pain from his chest.

"Hey um…" Ann started. Everyone stood around the entrance to the subway, mostly unsure if they could leave Ryuji in his state. Akira looked especially worried for his best friend. "Are you going to be okay, Ryuji?" She nervously twirled a pigtail around in her fingers, a habit she picked up through the years.

Ryuji stiffened, but turned to face her with the best fake smile he could manage. "Yeah, I'll be fine! I'll be back to kickin' ass in no time!" He grinned, giving her a thumbs up before quickly saying his goodbyes and scampered off before anyone else could ask more questions he couldn't lie through his teeth about.

He knew that his phantom thief career was potentially over. The other thieves had admirable reasons for continuing their work but what did Ryuji have in the end? Kamoshida was dealt with, that used to be his driving force. Maybe popularity and fame? He huffed as he realised he wasn't even popular in the Phantom Thieves themselves, never mind in the minds of the general public. The only other reason his mind gave him was for Akira. He'd awakened to his power to save the raven haired stranger, just like said stranger did for him.

But he'd lost that power and lied to his face about it. He didn't deserve Akira's time anymore.

His phone buzzed in his pocket. He was surprised to see it not smashed to hell - considering he got thrown into a wall and all. The Phantom Thieves chat was filled with worried messages about Ryuji's wellbeing. How nice of them to worry now that he's away from them. Another unread message got Ryuji's attention.

Akira;

'Hope you're okay 'Yuj, please let me know when you get home.'

His heart stung at the nickname, if only he knew the mess his head was in. 

The blonde stopped at the front door to his apartment in confusion. He didn't remember the train ride over and he certainly didn't remember the walk from the station. All he knew was that his chest still hurt and the dull pain in his bad leg still bothered him. 

Choosing to ignore the group chat, he sent a blunt 'I'm home' to Akira before trying to psych himself up in case his mother was waiting inside, he wasn't sure he could handle that conversation yet with the state he was in. He took a deep breath (not the smartest idea, considering his situation), took his keys out of his pocket and unlocked the door.

"I'm home!" He called to a thankfully empty apartment. Locking the door behind him again, he dragged himself to his room and collapsed on his bed with a muffled grunt. Another buzz from his phone in his pocket startled him, causing more searing pain from his ribs to attack him.

Akira;

'Good. Meet at Leblanc after school tomorrow?'

The last person he wanted to see was Akira. He didn't want to see any of the thieves quite frankly, but the dark, curly haired boy especially. 

Groaning, he let his phone hit the floor beside his bed, leaving Akira without an answer. This is definitely not how he imagined the day unfolding. His mood had been good, he'd woken up on time for the train and he'd even answered a question right in class when he was called on. All in all, he felt like going to the Metaverse would've been okay, not the disaster it turned out to be.

His emotions mixed together, he couldn't decide whether he was angry, sad, disappointed or if it was just a mashed up whirlpool of all three and more.

Ignoring the next buzz that came from his phone on the floor, his vision faded and he fell into a restless sleep.

\-----

Red and black scenery surrounded Ryuji, familiar and unwelcomed. The visibility was hindered by the low fog that covered the tracks of the Metaverse subway. Slowly, he started to stumble his way forward, gripping the bar in his hand tighter. Confusion swirled in his head as he thought on why he was back here of all places, and alone, as far as he could tell.

Eventually, after what felt like hours of tripping over tracks that he couldn't see, the tunnel turned a corner that led to a big metal doorway with a familiar figure standing in front of it, facing away from the blonde.

"Joker!" He yelled, thrilled to finally find a teammate in the unusual tunnel. "Man, am I happy to see ya!"

"Oh. It's you." Joker sounded almost disappointed.

Ryuji's happiness faltered with the tone of his leader's voice.

"Everythin' okay, dude?" He tentatively asked.

Joker sighed before speaking, "Why did you have to stick around?" The leader turned around to face the blonde. Golden eyes bore into Ryuji.

"W-What's that meant to mean?" He almost didn't want to hear the reply.

"I'm saying you're useless. We don't need someone like you as a phantom thief." Shadow Joker fixed his red gloves before he continued his verbal assault on the ex-thief. "No one wants to associate with a stupid and vulgar troublemaker, I could do so much better than you. I don't need you."

Ryuji opened his mouth to argue but nothing came out. The golden eyes of his best friend glistened in the dull light of Mementos and it made Ryuji sick to his stomach. His mind was reeling as he dropped to his knees.

The shadow closed the distance between them. He lent down and gently cupped the shaking blonde's face, not showing any flickers of emotion on the leader's face. Ryuji's breath hitched as he felt the other boy's warm breath on his lips. "I never cared about you, Ryuji." Joker let go of Ryuji's face with a shove and sauntered back to the metal door. Ryuji fell onto his back and his eyes felt heavy as Joker's shadow opened the metal door and slipped through, leaving the blonde alone again. His chest felt tight, his heart a broken mess and his thoughts jumbled into a ball so compact he resigned himself to never figuring it out. 

The metal door slammed shut, the resulting noise echoing around the tunnel. 

Ryuji's eyes snapped open, the slam of metal still ringing around in his head. The beige of his bedroom ceiling greeted him and then blurred. A choked sob made its way out of him, he knew it had been a dream but it didn't ease his worries that it really was Akira's true thoughts that the shadow had told him.

'Calm down', he told himself, trying to take deep breaths that wouldn't hurt his ribs. He took a glance at the clock. 3AM. Great. He considered going back to sleep, however the thought of having someone else's shadow verbally hurt him after the deep wounds Akira's had inflicted left a sour taste in his mouth.

Carefully, he somehow managed to grab his once forgotten phone from the floor. The Phantom Thief chat had gone silent after their earlier messages, which didn't surprise Ryuji in the slightest, and Akira had sent a couple of follow up messages asking if he was okay. He couldn't find the strength to reply to anyone, not that they would care either way, he figured. 

So instead, he spent the rest of his agonising night staring at his ceiling, desperately trying not to think about Akira's delicate face so close to his own; even if it had been a dream.

\----

To Ryuji's disappointment, his mind wasn't any clearer in the morning. He had, however, managed to get a few hours sleep and somehow managed to drag himself to school on time magically without bumping into any of the Thieves.

The blonde couldn't focus on any classes. He tried, just for something else to wedge in his brain instead of the mess his heart had made for him. All his thoughts offered him were questions like had Captain Kidd left him for a reason? Was he that much of a loser that he didn't deserve a Persona of his own in the end? Could he potentially be a request for Mishima to find for the Phantom Thieves now?

He felt his phone buzz several times, but instead of chiming in with a silly comment to the group chat, he left his phone in his pocket, stayed quiet and stared blankly at the board in front of him.

He had a theory on why the skeleton captain had abandoned him, but quickly locked the thought away before he could focus on it any more.

By the time lunch break had rolled around, he launched himself out of the classroom and up to the roof before Akira or any other thieves could find him. 

Taking a seat at what used to be his usual spot by the mess of tables, he sighed, leaning back in his chair. A lot of memories came to mind when he looked around the Shujin rooftop; most, if not all, contained Akira in some form. The hurt in his heart lingered when he thought of the soft smiles and fond looks Akira had given him through the months. Were they all fake? Did the ebony haired boy just put up with him? God, what he wouldn't do to just brush his hands through his soft curls-

The rooftop door creaked open, making Ryuji shoot a foot in the air.

"Aha, there you are." The familiar smooth voice said. Ryuji's eyes shot over to where the voice came from to find Akira standing in the doorway, a sheepish look on his face.

The ex-runner sighed for the umpteenth time that day. "Yep… Here I am."

"Ryuji--"

"I'm fine, man." He interrupted, he wasn't having this conversation on the school rooftop.

It was Akira's turn to sigh. "Something's bothering you and I want to help."

"Nothing's botherin' me." Ryuji snapped back too quickly for it to be convincing. Akira's cool and collected mask morphed into worry.

"You wouldn't be hiding away up here if it was 'nothing'."

Ryuji shook his head, desperately holding back tears. "It's okay, you can stop pretending you care, I don’t wanna drag you down anymore."

The other boy moved to place a hand on his shoulder. "You're not dragging anyone down, Ryuji. I told you in Mementos yesterday and I'll tell you again now; I care about you a lot." The blonde shrugged Akira’s hand off his shoulder, and turned in his chair to face away from the other.

"Just leave me alone, man. Please?"

Akira flinched at how tired and well, un-Ryuji like his voice sounded. "Alright, if that's really what you want, I'll go. But before I do, there's a Phantom Thieves meeting after school at Leblanc, I'll see you there, yeah?"

Ryuji didn't reply. Akira eventually got up and left the teen alone on the rooftop. The blonde waited until the door closed fully to lean forward and press his face into his hands with a frustrated groan.

\-----

After an eternity of watching the clock, the bell finally rang to signal the end of the school day. Ryuji idly sat at his desk, watching his classmates find their friends to walk home with. 

For a moment he considered ignoring the meeting and just going straight home and resting, but he couldn't do that. In their eyes he's still a Phantom Thief, not a very valuable one but a thief all the same, he'd get more verbal abuse thrown at him if he didn't go - he didn't want to face the wrath of Ann, especially if it was similar to the way she acted with Kamoshida's shadow.

After a moment of gathering his thoughts he slowly got up from his chair, stifling a groan when the pain flared back up from his ribs. Flinging his bag on his back, he set off towards the station.

The ride to Yongen-Jaya seemed to make the nerves in Ryuji grow as he thought about the scrutinising eyes of the Phantom Thieves watching him after his disaster the previous day. He figured this meeting was about whatever news Futaba had found from Sae's laptop, he prayed that it would steal their attention away from him. The announcement of the train's arrival at the station startled him back to reality.

Ryuji slowed down as he got to the backstreet where Leblanc was situated, his heart felt like it was going a mile a minute. Turning the corner to the café, he spotted the crouched figure of Futaba by the sign.

"What are you doin' out here, Futaba?" Ryuji asked, worried for the girl. The redhead leapt out of her crouch with a small yell.

"Holy crap, don't do that, Ryuji! You almost gave me a heart attack!" She yelled back, gripping the front of her shirt.

"Sorry 'bout that, just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Shouldn't that be my line?" She quipped, raising an eyebrow at Ryuji. He flinched, eyes darting about to avoid Futaba's gaze. He mumbled a quick "'m fine" before moving to the café door. "A-anyway, let's go, I bet they're all waitin' for us."

Futaba nodded with a frown and darted into Leblanc, holding the door open long enough for Ryuji to slink his way in. The redhead waved to Sojiro on her way past and ran up the stairs to the attic.

"Hey, Boss." Ryuji greeted the man.

"Nice to see you again, Sakamoto. Everyone else is upstairs already, noisy bunch." He grumbled. Ryuji nodded and one by one walked up the stairs, desperately ignoring how each step rattled his injured ribs. The voices of the Thieves drifted down as he climbed.

"Are you sure he should be with us?" Ann asked, "I mean, he can't summon his Persona…"

"We don't know that yet, give him time." Akira replied sharply.

Ryuji hesitated half way up. There was no way it was anyone else she was referring to, it had to be him. Did she want to be rid of him that much? Plastering on his best fake smile, he pushed himself around the landing of the attic to face the group.

"Hey, what's bonkin'!"

"Oh, hey Ryuji! You're still trying to make that work, huh?" The blonde girl spoke with a small smile on her face.

"Hell yeah! It'll take off someday." He grinned.

Futaba glanced up, shooting Ryuji a small grin from where she had leapt onto Akira's bed, laptop screen glowing in front of her. Akira was sitting next to her, giving Ryuji the warmest smile he could manage.

The raven haired leader glanced around the room at the nervous teens scattered around. Ryuji looked worried and tired but tried desperately to hide it underneath the fake smile he'd put on. Makoto shuffled in her seat on the sofa, eager to get going with the meeting. Mona sat on the table with what Akira somewhat recognised as a determined look. Hard to tell on a cat, he figured. Next to Makoto, Yusuke sat with a serious look on his face and phone in hand.

“Now that everyone’s here, let’s say we begin,” Makoto piped up. “Is that okay, Akira?” The boy nodded and Makoto continued on. “Before we get to the data from sis’s laptop, we need to discuss what happened with the principal first of all.”

Everyone piped up with their points, Ryuji tuned the whole thing out. What good would paying attention do when he didn't even belong in the group anymore? They clearly didn't want him in the group with a broken Persona. 

He stared out of Akira's window, finding the afternoon cityscape fascinating, only to be broken out of his trance by someone calling his name.

Almost slipping from the edge of the bed beside Akira, he came crashing back to reality. "W-what?!"

"Ah, so there is something in there after all!" 

Ryuji waited in for the crackle of electricity and instinctively shuffled away from Akira, but of course nothing came, only a sinking feeling that felt like his heart was being tugged down by an anchor.

"Morgana, lay off." Akira snapped, noticing the small shift of Ryuji's emotional state.

"'s okay, Aki. What were we talkin' about?" His voice came out smaller than he'd like.

"Whether we go for Okumura or not, what do you think?"

His brain spoke for him before he could stop it. "What does my opinion matter? 's not like I can help anyway." Snapping his mouth shut, he turned to face the window again.

He felt Akira turn to look at him. "Ryuji…" 

"Forget I said anythin'."

"Come on, stop being all doom and gloom and help us out for once!" Morgana yelled, his tail swishing angrily in the air. The pull in his heart came again but stronger, making him physically wince and grab the front of his shirt. The hand that placed itself on Ryuji's shoulder was so gentle, as if worried it could shatter him from any more force, that it brought him back from the pull of the current. Turning to face the owner of the hand, he met starlight silver eyes as Akira hoped he conveyed all his love and care to the teen. Ryuji snapped his eyes away, there was no way he saw what he thought he did. You don't deserve it anyway, his brain supplied.

"Do what you want. I'm done." He said and walked out, ignoring the calls of his name.

\-----

The usual calm and collected leader of the Phantom Thieves sat on his bed frozen out of worry and fear for the blonde. Silence had flooded the room after Ryuji's exit. The dark brown of the blonde's eyes didn't have their usual glint to them and it haunted Akira when he closed his own.

"Akira? Are you quite alright?" Yusuke asked, deep blue eyes showing concern and support for the other boy. Akira held the eye contact for a split second before coughing to cover himself and regain his composure.

"Yes, I'm fine. It's not me we should be worried about," The raven haired teen shared a knowing glance with the redhead next to him. "I think we need to discuss Ryuji's behaviour before we even think of going near Okumura."

"But we need this target--" Morgana whined.

"We need our own teammate first, Morgana." Akira fiercely snapped. The cat's ears flattened.

"I agree with Akira. He hasn't been himself lately… I sent a funny meme to him earlier and he didn't even reply with a 'haha'. He never does that. Never!" Futaba added.

Makoto nodded. "I admit I'm worried about Captain Kidd's disappearance too." She paused, as if making a mental connection. "Could it be…" She mumbled, drifting off into her own deductions of Ryuji's actions.

"It did feel unusually quiet today." Yusuke pointed out, making a few of the thieves frown. 

"We should be celebrating that we finally get some peace and quiet from that idiot!" Morgana interjected, earning himself glares from around the room.

Ann shook her head. "He could be in serious trouble and all you can do is make more jokes? I may not act like it sometimes but he is still my friend and I care about him." 

Suddenly Makoto pulled her phone out of her pocket, placed it on the table and opened the MetaNav.

"M-Makoto?" Ann whispered.

"I know you once told us that Persona users can't have a palace, Morgana, but what if that user's heart and desires change, could that mean they lose said Persona?" She inquired, moving her phone into the middle of the table. 

The cat's voice was barely audible as he formed a reply to Makoto. "I guess it could be possible…"

"I was afraid you'd say that." Taking a deep breath, she looked at the tense, worried and slightly confused faces of her friends and then back to her phone.

"Ryuji Sakamoto."

Everyone held their breath.

"Match found." The robotic voice replied as gasps and cries filled the room and Akira's world silently crumbled around him.

"N-no way… He has a palace?" Futaba whimpered, slowly moving closer to her pseudo-brother for comfort. Akira pulled her in for a hug, needing something to ground him as much as she did. His best friend and crush had a palace.


	2. Chapter 2

The silence in the attic was stifling, only broken by Futaba's quiet sniffling. Morgana was frozen in his spot on the table, staring at the phone like it had just deeply offended him, meanwhile Akira comforted a crying Futaba while trying his best not to start crying along with her. The stoic brunette leaned forward in her seat and clasped her hands together.

"So…" Makoto whispered, almost scared to bring her voice any higher. "We need the key words as usual, I assume."

Akira snapped back to reality with the sound of her voice and nodded to the brunette. "The 'where' is going to be tricky… Other than his apartment, it's either the school or Leblanc--"

"Match found." The Nav interrupted the leader.

"Leblanc is the source of his distortions?" Yusuke muttered, gradually coming back down to earth with the rest of the Thieves.

"What could that distortion be though? It's not like he's evil and twisted…" Ann asked, crossing her arms as she thought.

"Y-You did the same for me and I'm not evil or twisted," Futaba piped up in a small voice from beside Akira. "Maybe this is a similar situation, he's hurting." The group slowly nodded in agreement.

"Let's think about it and see what we come up with tomorrow," Akira sighed, he couldn't focus, too many thoughts and worries ran through his head. "I… I need to see how he's doing before we jump into anything." Tired murmurs of agreement came from around the room as they all moved from their positions and trudged down the attic stairs, with Morgana leaping into Ann's bag before she left, leaving Akira with two out of the five other Thieves.

"Will you be alright on your own, Akira? I know you are the closest to Ryuji after all." Yusuke asked, worry written all over his face for their beloved leader.

"Yes, I'll be fine. Don't worry, Yusuke, get some rest, it looks like it'll be a long day tomorrow." He answered, trying to convince himself at the same time.

Yusuke nodded slowly. "Please do not hesitate to send me a message if you require it. I'll be ready at any time." With one last reassuring smile, he got off the sofa and headed down the stairs.

"A-Akira… Can I stay with you tonight? I don't want to be alone..." Her voice was shaking as she clung to Akira's arm. He nodded and enveloped the small girl into a crushing hug.

"I think Yusuke was on to me anyway." He laughed half heartedly. Patting the redhead's hair, he let his emotional mask slip slightly. His mind was too foggy to keep up the leader façade for much longer. Gradually the siblings parted and Akira reached for his phone in his pocket, opening the message thread from Ryuji he started typing a new message.

Akira;

'Please can you let me know if you're okay.'

He watched his phone intently, praying the boy was okay, he would reply and everything would be fine. After a couple of minutes of waiting his phone buzzed, making his heart practically jump out of his chest.

Ryuji;

'I'm fine man, stop asking.'

Akira frowned. Futaba suddenly grabbed her own phone from her pocket and sent a message of her own to Ryuji.

Futaba;

'We're just worried about you, let us help.'

Ryuji;

'Ugh, you too? Leave me alone, I'm fine.'

Both siblings shared a sad look and sighed. There was clearly no convincing Ryuji to let them in, for tonight at least.

"I wonder what's triggered this change, or if it's been gradual and I've been too blind to notice." Akira voiced his worried thoughts.

Futaba stared at her phone screen, the eye icon of the MetaNav staring back at her as if taunting the young thief. "We'll save him from this, right?"

"I…" He paused to gather his emotions back up, the last thing he wanted was to break in front of what he classed as his closest family member, even if they weren't blood related. "Yes. Even if I have to do it myself, he'll be safe, I can't lose him."

"You won't be alone, I'll be with you no matter what. We're family after all." She smiled up at the fragile boy. Akira smiled back with tired eyes. "Thanks, Futaba."

The duo arranged the chairs in front of the TV with Akira putting the table back in its original position by the stairs. Picking up a controller, they played on Akira's old retro console to try and take their mind off the reveal of Ryuji's Palace. 

Which was easier said than done in Akira's case. He couldn't stop the thoughts circling in his mind telling him that he had failed Ryuji as a leader and as a friend.

\-----

Ryuji trudged through the school gates with a minute to spare before the bell rang. His body felt sluggish and his mind couldn't focus no matter what he did. He slumped in his seat and Ushimaru started his boring lecture as Ryuji placed his head on his desk. Before he knew it he drifted into a dream that turned more into a nightmare.

He appeared to be in what looked like an abandoned and overgrown version of Yongen-Jaya, trees and foliage reclaiming the buildings that stood before him. He noticed the old theatre had crumbled slightly, with vines growing all over the front. It was hard to see in the nighttime setting and with the lamp posts covered in moss. 

A shadowy figure stood in the middle of the street, glowing golden eyes shining back at him in the gloom. As his eyes adjusted to the darkness he saw the figure turn around and fade further into the backstreets. Ryuji took a deep breath and followed the shadow. The street twisted and turned, blurring into areas he didn’t recognise, Ryuji wasn’t sure which way he’d come from at this point and he'd hit so many dead ends his heartbeat started to spike in panic.

Eventually, the streets opened up into a small park-like area, he could just make out the section of streets continuing on the opposite side of the park. Standing between him and the next path was the figure he'd chased, still shrouded in the darkness of the night.

"You kept me waiting." The familiar but distorted voice spoke. Ryuji took a step forward, trying to force his eyes to adjust so he could see the face of the mysterious shadow. Conflicted golden yellow eyes stared at him with sadness and anger. Familiar spikes of hair eventually came into view as he slowly continued his approach.

Cogs turned in Ryuji's mind as he slowly began to piece together what he was seeing. The shadow's face twisted into a smirk as an annoyed yell of his name jostled him out of his dream.

"Sakamoto!"

Ryuji woke up with a start. He was back in his class and Ushimaru was sending daggers his way.

"Don't fall asleep in class again, you got that?!" He yelled. Ryuji nodded sheepishly. The blonde replayed the dream in his head, desperately hoping that it wasn’t exactly what he thought it was. That shadow was definitely his, no other way about it. 

‘Deep breaths, Sakamoto, come on,’ he thought to himself, fighting the urge to excuse himself from class and run to the rooftop just to ease the nerves inside him. His own golden haunted eyes wouldn’t leave his mind as he tried to distract himself before the end of school. That would be the moment of truth, whether the dream was showing his own broken and battered heart.

He fumbled with his phone in his pocket for the next hour until he could get away. Ryuji half wanted to not check the Nav and hoped that his potential Palace went away on its own. As an ex-Phantom Thief he knew this wouldn't be the case. It needed to be dealt with and he needed to do it soon or the alternative was letting it grow into something more.

Ushimaru finally dismissed the class as the final bell rang. Ryuji leapt from his desk and ran to his destination. Thankfully the roof was empty as he flung the door open. Akira had found him last time he bolted up here but his mind was too focused on the MetaNav that now lit up his phone screen. He glanced around the rooftop. Double checking his surroundings as he made his way over to the nearest table, leaning on the edge.

"Guess this is it…" He mumbled to himself. His shaking hands almost dropped his phone. He decided to place it down on the table next to him. His heart felt like it was trying to escape his chest with how hard it was beating. "Please don't let it be the reason Kidd left me…" He whispered.

He spoke his name out loud in a shaky breath. The robotic voice confirmed a match after a few seconds and shattered Ryuji's already fragile heart.

"No…" It was all he could manage before the tears he'd kept inside since the meeting the night before came crashing down. He held his head in his hands. He couldn't stop his breakdown even if he wanted to. 

The creaking of the door opening and a small 'oh my!' went completely unnoticed to the boy until a small girl with fluffy light auburn curls stepped into his blurred vision.

"Are you okay?! What seems to be wrong?" The soft voice asked, her gentle hands holding onto Ryuji's trembling arms. He couldn't reply. He simply fell forward into her arms and sobbed.

After a while Ryuji had calmed down enough to take a look at who exactly had found him. He quickly and awkwardly moved out of their grasp.

"Oh shit, I'm sorry!"

The girl smiled. "It's okay, I didn't mind. Are you feeling better now?" She asked, her face full of worry for her fellow student.

Ryuji looked at his phone and remembered the ache in his heart. The Nav stared back at him, serving as a reminder that he's fucked up being a phantom thief - a reminder that somewhere along the line he's lost his way so completely his heart had rejected his Persona and became distorted. He brought his attention back to the girl by his side.

"A little, I guess." He eventually answered. "I don't know, my brain feels like a maze right now, I can't figure anythin' out…"

"Match found." The Nav announced unceremoniously, shattering Ryuji's heart a little more. If the girl noticed the voice, she didn't mention anything. 

"I see. I can't pretend to know what you are going through, uh…"

"Sakamoto." He supplied.

She paused, thinking before answering with her given name, "I hope you can get through whatever it is that made you feel this way."

Ryuji sighed, pocketing his phone. "Me too, but I'm not holding my breath… Thanks for stayin' with me though, I appreciate it." He said, standing up shakily to head to the door. "Oh, and I'm sorry you had to find me like that…"

Haru shook her head. "Don't worry, I'm just glad you're feeling better now." She moved to kneel down in front of the rows of plants. "I'm normally up here at this time to tend to the garden, so if you need someone, this is where I'll be." She smiled sweetly.

Ryuji nodded, opening the door to walk back downstairs only to slam into a figure coming in.

"Shit, sorry! I wasn't looking--" Ryuji stopped his apology as he realised who he'd just slammed into. "'Kira? What are you doing here?"

"I came looking for you." He simply replied like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"I keep telling you, I'm fine." Ryuji grumbled, ignoring the worried look Haru gave him.

"Have you been crying?" Akira asked, looking into his eyes.

"N-no!" He quickly averted his gaze from the ebony haired boy standing in the doorway, blocking his only escape.

"Futaba's really worried about you, you know…" He started. Ryuji brought out his phone to distract himself from whatever the other teen was saying. "I'm worried about you too… Come back with me to Leblanc--"

"Match found. Beginning navigation." The voice called from Ryuji's phone. Ryuji's eyes went wide in fear and panic. Akira looked at the phone with confusion. Red and black swirled around them until the surroundings turned into a run-down version of the same Shujin rooftop they were previously stood upon.

"W-where are we?" The girl's voice called from behind them. Ryuji spun around, briefly feeling the leftover pain from the previous injury. He ignored it, in favour of rushing to Haru.

"Oh shit, it pulled you in too?! Damnit, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have opened the stupid app…"

"App? What is happening, Sakamoto?" Her voice faltered. Worry and fear covered her face as she took in the sight of a dilapidated and overgrown Aoyama-Itchome.

"I…" He froze. He didn't want to just come straight out and say this was how his distorted heart apparently viewed things. He didn't even know where to begin to explain the Metaverse in the first place.

His gaze lingered on the dark haired teen, the only relief he had in this world was that he was still standing in the doorway with his Shujin uniform in place - he wasn't a threat. There didn't seem to be any sign of the maze from his dream either. He knew where it would possibly start though if the keyword being Leblanc had anything to do with it and the remnants of Yongen-Jaya he saw. Did this mean his entire distortion surround Akira?

"Not quite… but good guess, Sakamoto." A voice eerily rang out around the trio. The slight twist of his own voice made a shiver go down his spine.

"A-Another Sakamoto?!" Haru gasped as the shadow appeared on the ledge above the doorway. It wore his signature purple hoodie, his favourite black t-shirt with the yellow face in the centre and his black jeans. Vines wrapped around various parts of its body, with some thicker vines wrapped around the spot on his right leg where Kamoshida had broken it, almost like they had bandaged it up. It's hair was his natural black with leaves sticking out at different angles. Dust and dirt littered it's entire outfit.

"What do you mean by that?" He shouted back, angry at the sudden appearance.

"He's not the sole reason why you're so fucked up, you should know why this whole place is here. It's your heart after all." The shadow replied, smirking as Haru's confused eyes darted between the pair. Akira slowly moved from his position from the door to move in front of Haru, ready to protect her if things got out of hand.

"Stop talkin'!" Ryuji yelled. "You took Kidd away from me to make me see how much of a fuck up I am?! I could see that anyways!"

"Typical, stupid Ryuji, not seeing the full picture." The shadow sneared, sitting down cross legged on the ledge it perched on. Ryuji flinched. "W-what are you talking about?"

The shadow chuckled. "You'll see next time you're here with your precious Akira."

The disorientating feeling of leaving the Metaverse swallowed them as Ryuji's shadow continued to laugh, eventually fading into nothing.

"Goddamnit!" Ryuji hissed, collapsing to the thankfully, now normal ground.

"Ryuji…" Akira called out, moving towards the crumpled boy on the floor.

"Please don't." He cut back, moving his arm out to stop him coming any closer. Hurt flashed over Akira’s face, Ryuji couldn’t help but feel a little guilty at that but he couldn't handle his pity right now. If anything, Akira's presence made his heart ache even more.

"Um…" Haru whispered, grabbing both boys’ attention.

"I'm sorry you had to see that, Haru. What a shit first impression, huh." Ryuji laughed shakily. Haru stood to the side of him, sharing a look with the infamous transfer student whom she now knew to be named Akira.

"I can't exactly say I know what's happening but if this is related to the state you were in when I found you, then allow me to help." Haru told the broken boy.

Ryuji's head snapped up, looking into her warm, hazelnut eyes. "N-no, don't worry, you don't have to do that!" 'I can't let anyone else see anymore of this.' He added in his head. 

“I’m not the kind of person to leave someone if they’re suffering.” The older girl said firmly. Ryuji gradually stood back up, somehow more aware of his bad leg and the twinge in his chest reminding him of how serious of a mess he was in. Haru's soft features showed her caring and gentle nature and he could tell she would care fiercely about her friends. The blonde almost went to accept her help before the voice in the back of his head stepped in.

'She’s only going to leave you when she realises just how broken and useless you really are.'

Instead of giving her a reply, he quickly turned and dashed for the exit, leaving a speechless Akira with an increasingly worried Haru. The rooftop door slammed shut, snapping Akira out of his staredown with the metal door. He brought his attention back to the fluffy haired girl.

"Haru, was it? Thank you for finding him." Akira gave the girl a warm smile.

"Oh, it's no problem, I come up here to tend to my garden anyway." She returned the smile albeit a little shakily.

"I see. I'm sorry to just leave without an explanation but I should go find him." Akira quickly exchanged numbers with the third year with the promise that if she had any questions or just wanted to talk, he would be there, before taking his leave and flying down the stairs. 

Nerves and worries gnawed at his mind as he thought of his best friend. He had gotten to know Ryuji well in the few months he'd been in Tokyo, he knew he was reckless and charged headfirst into danger. All of the scenarios he ran through his head with those categories in mind didn't fill the thief with confidence about the other's safety.

His mind switched into overdrive as he took a quick pit stop by his classroom. Ann had Akira's bag on her desk so she could idly chat with Morgana. When her eyes drifted over to their leader walking over to them with what seemed to be a saddened and panicked look in his eyes, she stood up, silencing Morgana in the process.

"Akira? Did you find him?"

"...Yes… And no." He answered after a moment. "It was a double whammy, I found him and his Palace."

Both Morgana and Ann gasped. "You got the last keyword? What is it?" She queried. Akira shook his head.

"I'll tell everyone later, I'm going to have to ask you to take Morgana for me. I need to find Ryuji."

"Do you mean he just ran off? How much of an idiot can that boy be?!" Morgana grumbled.

"I think you would too if you discovered what your Palace looked like, found your own Shadow counterpart and also dragged an extra innocent student in with you." The leader was not impressed with the cat's comments. "He's going through a lot right now, Mona, lay off."

He quickly turned his attention to the blonde girl. "Ann, can you tell everyone I'll be late to the meeting? I'll be there as soon as I find Ryuji safe." Ann gave a serious nod, quickly took her phone out of her pocket and shot the group chat a message relaying Akira's message. Satisfied that everyone would know he was fine at least, he said his thanks to Ann and dashed out of the classroom and to the place he knew Ryuji would be going.

\-----

'Stupid', he thought to himself, pushing his bad leg to run faster through Shibuya station and towards his next destination. 'This is so 'effin stupid!' Jumping on the first train to Yongen-Jaya he found, he dropped himself down on an empty seat and curled in on himself. What was his plan when he got there? He had all the keywords he needed. With Leblanc being one of them, he figured he should go in at the source, maybe something out there would smile down on him for once and he could take his own treasure and be back to his old 'stupid and useless' self without causing anyone else hassle. Or more embarrassment to himself.

He wasn't totally oblivious, contrary to what Morgana would say. He knew that if that Shadow of himself was truly part of him, he'd know everything there is to know about 'Ryuji Sakamoto: Fuck Up Extraordinaire'. His thoughts, his feelings, everything.

The subway announcement of arriving at Yongen-Jaya knocked him out of his head. Pulling out his phone in preparation, he made his way through the backstreets, stopping just before the turn to Leblanc. Futaba wasn't crouched in the doorway and no one else seemed to be around. Perfect. He activated the Nav.

Once the usual dizziness of the MetaNav wore off, he found himself in the same small park from his dream.

"Where's Leblanc? I was right outside it before, what the hell?" Ryuji muttered to himself, unimpressed with the location he'd started at.

His Shadow didn't seem to be present, to which he breathed a sigh of relief. Hesitantly, he started towards the next path, hoping that Leblanc would be straight on and he could get out of this permanent nightmare he had found himself in. 

A laugh echoed from behind him. His own laugh. 'Goddammit…'

"So, you've come back on your own, huh?" The Shadow's voice mocked him.

"I don't have time to be messin' with you! Just show me where my goddamn treasure is!" Ryuji yelled, annoyance and impatience coursing through him.

"Ha! Like anyone would actually care whether you changed your heart or not." It retorted. "I could tell you the full reason why your desires were distorted to this level… But it's no fun if I don't have an audience." The Shadow chuckled.

"You son of a-!" Ryuji lunged towards the shadow, pulling his arm back in preparation for the punch he wanted to land. The Shadow simply darted to the side and Ryuji crashed to the ground.

"Is that all you got? No wonder none of those so called friends wanted you around."

Fresh anger burned inside of him at the Shadow's words. He pushed himself back up and quickly launched another attack. Ryuji ended up on the dirt floor again.

"Poor useless Sakamoto…" The Shadow taunted, placing a foot on Ryuji's back, it started adding pressure. Ryuji let out a yelp of pain from the still-healing ribs being roughly shoved against the floor. "No one's coming to save a dumb idiot like you." It taunted, not letting up on Ryuji's back.

"G-Get off me-!" He wheezed. The pressure released only to be replaced with more agonising pain as the Shadow rolled him over and kicked him in the chest.

"Things would've been so much better if you hadn't existed, isn't that right?" Shadow Ryuji smirked, getting a strong reaction from the boy. He didn't have a comeback for the Shadow. He had thought that in the past - when Kamoshida first broke his leg, when Morgana immediately told him he was useless, when he'd landed the entire team in shit time after time. He couldn't blame the team for not wanting him anywhere near them now, they had every right to shove him away. He couldn't even do a simple thing like keep his mouth shut.

Ryuji felt tears fall down his face, he wasn't sure if it was from mental or physical pain anymore. Buildings seemed to swirl around him as his vision started to blur.

\-----

Akira flung the door to Leblanc open, eyes darting around the café. All he found was a startled Futaba barely managing to stay on her stool and a concerned but slightly annoyed looking Sojiro.

"Akira! Jeez, don't do that, you scared me half to death!" Futaba complained, hopping comfortably back on her chair.

"Want to explain why you nearly ripped the door off?" Sojiro asked, a stern look in his eyes.

Akira winced. "I… I thought I'd find someone here." Sojiro shook his head and sighed at the frazzled teen.

"Futaba said she saw Sakamoto hanging around nearby but he never dropped in."

His eyes grew wide. "Change of plans… Maze." He said directly to Futaba before immediately turning and leaving.

"What's gotten into him all of a sudden?" The man asked, scratching the back of his neck. His daughter, however, already had her phone out, frantically sending messages before leaping out of her chair and dashing out the door after Akira.

Inputting the last keyword into his own phone, he entered into his friend's Palace in a panic. He didn't know how long ago Ryuji had gone in. He hoped it wasn't long but he knew how brutal the Metaverse could be. A pang in his heart reminded him that Ryuji was truly on his own, he didn't even have Captain Kidd in the back of his mind. He felt Arsene shift, as if growing restless along with Akira.

Looking at the labyrinth of buildings, he regretted not dragging Futaba off her stool with him to navigate. Somewhere along the line of events his Phantom Thief attire had materialised. He was a threat now? His heart sunk. Joker wasn't sure where he'd gone wrong. 

With some new-found determination he pushed the thought aside. He will save him. Maybe then he could find some courage as well to tell the blonde haired boy how he felt about him while he’s at it.

Taking a look around the crumbling version of his home neighbourhood, he sighed. "Guess I just stick to the left and hope for the best." He felt Arsene rumble again, this time in agreement, Joker assumed.

\-----

"Persona!" A very familiar voice suddenly seemed to yell from across the park, landing a blast of Garudyne near the Shadow.

"Well, well, well… The star of the show has arrived after all." It grinned, taking in the sight of Akira’s Metaverse outfit.

"A-Akira?" He tried to ask but it came out as a wheeze.

"Hang in there, 'Yuj, I'm coming!" He called, hoping the blonde would listen and stay conscious for him at least.

"Typical, you can't do anything on your own, can you, Ryuji?" The Shadow snapped. "You always need your darling Joker to save you."

"Stop…" He gasped out.

"Oh! That's right, you never did tell him your precious little secret in the end, did you? Shall I enlighten him for you?" It sneered at the suffering Ryuji on the floor. Ryuji's eyes went wide in panic as he realised what he was about to say. He tried to get up and yell for the Shadow to stop but the sharp, amplified pain coming from where the Shadow had kicked him immobilised him and he sank back to the floor with a pained groan. Months of locking the feelings for the other boy away was about to be ruined in one simple sentence. The Shadow locked eyes with the masked boy, grinning with glee.

“He’s in love with you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haru: -minding her own business to tend to her rooftop garden-  
> also Haru: -gets dragged into a supernatural teen drama-
> 
> I didn't mean to end up going down the P4 route of having to face your own shadow but here we are


	3. Chapter 3

Joker froze in place. Did he actually hear that right? In any other situation he would be thrilled to hear this, but it didn’t come from Ryuji himself. It may be using his mouth but it didn’t feel true to Akira. He couldn’t see the look on the other boy’s face but Joker assumed it would be something like embarrassment and helplessness. At least, it would be for him if he was in Ryuji’s place. 

Breaking himself out of his daze, he glanced towards Ryuji still on the dirt floor. He reached up to his mask, carefully selecting his next words.

“I’m not going to accept that coming from you.” Joker launched another Garudyne towards the Shadow, aiming carefully to avoid Ryuji.

“Believe what you want, but I am a part of him, I know his feelings,” The Shadow replied, only just managing to dart away from the attack. “And boy, are they strong.” Ryuji's sly grin appeared on the Shadow's face.

“S-Shut up!” Ryuji weakly yelled. The Shadow focused his gaze on the Thief, ignoring the feeble attempt made by Ryuji to stop it. Joker's hand hovered over his mask, prepared to call forth another blast if the Shadow tried anything. Realistically, Joker knew his best friend's Shadow wouldn't attack him, he wouldn't hurt any of his friends whether it was an accident or on purpose. His surroundings reminded him where they were, he had to be prepared just in case.

"Always so cool and confident. No wonder he's head over heels for you."

"What are you trying to do here?" Joker questioned.

"I'm not tryin' to do anything. I'm just here because he," The Shadow pointed down at Ryuji accusingly, "kept all of his emotions bottled up and never told you, or anyone for that matter, that he was feelin' so effin' lonely and isolated."

Fighting the searing pain, Ryuji slowly got to his knees. Every breath was agony but he struggled through. His head turned away from the heavy gaze of his best friend that locked onto him.

"Ryuji…" Joker's voice was filled with hurt and confusion and it nearly broke Ryuji's heart.

"It's nothin'. I didn't want to drag you down with my problems, you've got enough shit to deal with." Ryuji started, his voice trembled as he spoke. "I'm used to being the joke of the group, I'm the one you all use for a verbal punchin' bag after all. Guess Morgana is right when he calls me an idiot."

"No, you're not, 'Yuj, I should've stopped him. I should've done something to help!" Joker replied, feeling just as broken as Ryuji looked. The almost drowning guilt of having his failure confirmed made Joker drop his arm back to his side. "I should've been there for you." He adds solemnly.

"No!" Ryuji shouted. Joker looked at the back of the boy with wide eyes, trying to comprehend Ryuji's complicated feelings. "I...I pushed you all away to avoid you all seeing this but… Maybe you would've noticed if I had managed to change my own heart anyway, you always were the sharpest. You probably saw Captain Kidd eff up from the start." The blonde sighed. His heart hurt to tell Akira this but if it didn't come from him it would come from the Shadow. He had no choice.

Ryuji continued explaining himself, unaware that other Phantom Thieves had entered the area. Joker silently signalled for them to stop and be quiet, before turning his attention to Ryuji again.

"Maybe their jokes distorted my heart. Maybe somewhere along the line I started believin' them, even though I just wanted them to accept me. Hell, maybe it's 'cos I'm so in love with you it hurts, and the fact that you'll never love me back made my heart change." Joker opened his mouth to disagree, to confess his own feelings, but Ryuji interrupted him. "You don't have to say anythin'. You can hate me if you want but please," His shoulders shook and his voice cracked a little as the tears started up again. "Don't leave me like everyone else does."

The small, heartbroken voice of Futaba called out before anyone else could react.

"Who said we were leaving you?"

Ryuji's heart jumped out of his chest at the new voice. Too quickly, he stood up and turned to face them. His head spun from dizziness and he started to fall back to the ground.

Joker took his chance to dash in and catch the falling boy before he could cause more damage to himself.

"Hey, it's okay, Ryuji. I'm here, I'm not going anywhere." The masked boy spoke softly into the soft spikes of Ryuji's dyed hair, cradling him carefully. The other boy simply sobbed into Joker's chest. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry 'Yuj."

"How touching." The Shadow said, venom laced in it's tone, getting the group's attention. "But have you forgotten where you are?"

Mona looked directly at the Shadow and rolled his eyes. "Oh man, even Ryuji's Shadow is annoying."

"Mona!" Panther hissed.

Joker felt the boy flinch in his arms at the comment. Guilt flooded the leader's mind. He should've stepped in at the beginning, should've kept Mona from causing more damage to the ex-runner. He saw small things that should've alerted him to something like this, but he never acted to correct them. Somehow, he'd let his closest friend's emotions spiral out of control to form a Palace.

"He isn't going to be fixed that easily, _Akira_." The Shadow said with Ryuji's rage and anger fueling his voice. "You all caused this, one small apology from the one he holds so close isn't going to magically make me and the rest of this Palace vanish."

Ryuji's grip on the leader's jacket tightened.

"You're all Phantom Thieves, you know the drill by now. I'll be waitin' at the end, if you can make it that far." With that final comment the Shadow vanished, leaving the team with questions hanging in the air.

The raven haired boy carefully helped Ryuji back up on his feet. "Are you okay? Can you walk?" When the boy gave a shaky nod, he turned to the rest of the team. "Let's retreat for now. Ryuji is in no state to be pushing on."

"I-I can keep going…" He tried to argue but the severe pain from his chest from just trying to breathe shut that argument down for him.

"You need a rest, Ryuji." Joker quietly spoke.

"Joker is right, Skull." Yusuke agreed, using his codename out of habit. "There must be a safe room nearby, let us see if we can find it and reassess our situation there."

"Way ahead of you, Fox." Oracle scanned the area. A few minutes later she pointed towards the opening to the next path. "Just a couple of streets down! ...I think."

"You think?" Panther questioned.

"I can't get a clear reading. It must be because the Palace is a maze, it's messing with my navigation."

Joker nodded to the small, masked redhead. "Can you manage that, 'Yuj?"

Ryuji didn't bother speaking, he simply nodded back to the leader, focusing his mind and energy on walking, leaning into Joker as they started down the new section of the maze.

\-----

After a lot of wrong turns, several quick apologies and redirections on Oracle's part and a surprising lack of shadows to fend off they made it to the safe room.

The group stood on the doorstep to Takemi's Medical Clinic. A stop Joker knew well, but nowhere near this run down and overgrown. Vines and moss covered up the walls and rubble surrounded the buildings. The entrance shimmered slightly, showing the tell tale sign of a safe room door.

"Let's enter." Queen said, reaching for the handle and holding the door open for the rest of the team. Joker, still holding onto Ryuji like a lifeline, guided the blonde safely inside.

The waiting room definitely wasn't how Joker remembered it. Takemi's little quirks were nowhere to be found, the walls were pure white, the blue chairs that lined up either side of the wall were new to Joker too. It looked like a standard doctor's waiting room.

"Whoa, this is different to usual, right, Joker?" Mona pointed out, gazing around the room.

"Yeah… Ryuji's never been to Takemi as far as I know. Must be why it looks like this." Joker replied, carefully seating the dazed boy on one of the chairs but never leaving his side. The group scattered themselves around the room, doing their own preparations whilst waiting for Joker's signal to gather round.

Joker turned his full attention to Ryuji. "Are you feeling alright? I'm going to use a Diarahan on you, okay?" The leader asked.

Ryuji nodded weakly. Joker let out a sigh of relief and, with much less dramatic flair than he'd usually put into it, pulled his mask off his face. Within seconds Ryuji could feel the soothing warmth that came with the healing process of a Diarahan. His breathing became less laboured as his ribs healed back up correctly. If only it could heal my heart just as well, Ryuji thought as the numb ache of his bad leg was the only physical pain left when the spell had finished.

"Better?" Joker asked, worry evident in his voice. Ryuji stood up to stretch his leg out in an attempt to get out the aches and pains. "More or less…"

The blonde turned to face the dark haired thief. He brought his hand to the back of his head, nerves and guilt eating away at him.

"Ryuji-"

"Akira-"

The pair stopped their synchronised sentences. A small chuckle passed Ryuji's lips. It was a beautiful sound Joker was not prepared to hear again so soon after the events in the park.

"I…" love you. 

Even being confident and fearless Joker didn't make the words appear. It was like he was back to being boring old Akira. "I'm glad that made you feel better."

"Y-yeah, thanks."

"Ryuji!" A head of bright orange hair tackled him back down into the chair.

"Whoa! 'taba?!"

"You _big idiot_!" She cried, nothing but a mix of warmth, relief and affection in her words. "I've been worried sick!"

"Careful, Oracle, I may have healed him but I don't know the extent of it." Joker warned his sister with a small smile.

"Crap, sorry!" She quickly darted off of Ryuji, wiping tears from her eyes with the sleeve of her Phantom suit, who gave the best smile he could manage to the girl.

Which still wasn't much, even after the healing. His brain was still weighed down with so many different things, he couldn't hope to sort his feelings out by the time he would have to face himself again.

Seeing the scene unfold in front of them, the last few members gathered around a partially winded Ryuji and the two other Thieves, bringing the meeting to them.

"How do you feel, Ryuji?" Panther asked. The boy shrugged.

"Physically? I've been worse, but I've been better. Mentally… I dunno, I mean… How am I meant to feel?" He replied. "Look around." Gesturing wildly at the surroundings, nearly slapping Joker in the face in the process.

"We'll get through it, 'Yuj." Joker spoke, gently pushing Ryuji's arm back down to his side. "If you feel okay to carry on, that is." He added, noticing the boy's calm face falter.

Ryuji took a deep breath. He wanted Captain Kidd back. He wanted to be helpful. If this was his way back in, he'd do it. "I'm ready as I'll ever be."

"I wonder why Leblanc is a keyword when we have yet to see it anywhere." Fox mumbled to no one in particular.

"That's a good point, Fox..." Queen agreed.

"Well, we won't find out standing round in here. Let's go." Mona puffed out his chest as he spoke, trying to take Joker's authority.

"Right. I haven't seen any shadows yet, but Fox, Panther, Queen. If an enemy appears, you three are up with me."

Ryuji fidgeted next to their leader. He hated the times when he got benched when he was a full Phantom Thief. The feeling seemed to be amplified when he knew he had no way of fighting. Especially since it was _his_ palace they could be fighting in.

Joker seemed to pick up on Ryuji's restless energy and sighed lightly. "I know you want to fight, Ryuji." He started, placing a hand on Ryuji's shoulder. "But I can't risk you getting hurt again."

'I can't lose you.' He added in his head.

He huffed, shoving himself back up off the plastic chair. "I know, I know. Let's get this shit show on the road then."

\-----

Making gradual and steady progress, they trudged their way through the next section of maze. Only stopping at forks in the road for Oracle to scan the nearby area to see which direction they needed to take next.

As per Joker's orders, the team had taken a circle formation around Ryuji as they moved forward, much to Ryuji's annoyance. He hated feeling so helpless but he knew why the leader had done it. Part of him was thankful that he'd protect him like this. The other part, his Shadow's side he assumed, hated that he was being treated like he was about to crack and break into a million pieces and argued in his head that he was just as good a fighter without a Persona than he was before. 

But Ryuji stayed deathly silent, scared that if he opened his mouth, he would push away the only help he had - even if he still wasn't convinced they wanted to actually have him back.

"Joker! The path opens up just ahead, one more turn!" Oracle's voice called out at the back of the group, her face partially covered by many different green translucent screens from her Persona.

"Alright. Let's see what's waiting for us, be on your guard everyone." Joker warned, sending a comforting look behind him to Ryuji before signalling the team to follow onwards.

The blonde himself couldn't shake the nervous energy that had found him and not let go since they set off. Joker's smile could normally ease any of his worries but it couldn't ward off this bad feeling Ryuji was getting.

"It'll be okay, Ryuji, you've got us here." The small redhead spoke up next to him, noticing his hesitation in following the group.

"That's what I'm afraid of." He quietly mumbled to himself, forcing his legs to move and keep up with the team.

He never pretended to understand his heart, so he had no idea what would be in the clearing that Oracle had found. If it continued in the pattern it had shown so far then he wasn't sure he wanted to know. Especially if this turned out to be Leblanc, the supposed location of his distortion. It had to include Akira somehow, he figured. He took a couple more steps, lost in his spiral of thoughts, before slamming into the back of the person who currently claimed 99 percent of his mind.

"Shit, sorry!" Ryuji quickly apologised. Joker smirked.

"If I didn't know any better I'd think you were making a habit out of bumping into me." Ryuji blushed and barked a flustered 'shut up' back at the teasing boy.

Before them Leblanc stood proudly, untouched and standing sound. The buildings that once surrounded the small café were piles of rubble, but Leblanc looked as it always did - warm, cozy and inviting. Like home.

"This is it, huh." said Joker, carefully observing the cognitive version of his current residence.

"Eff it." Ryuji surged forward with a sudden burst of courage. (Or impatience, Ryuji couldn't tell which.)

"Ryuji, wait!"

The bell above the door rang, signifying a customer entering as Ryuji walked through. The interior looked exactly the same as it normally did, the same warm atmosphere and the lingering smell of coffee that always stuck to Akira's clothes. That's where Ryuji's hatred of coffee would make an exception.

Sojiro stood behind the counter, mindlessly watching the small TV in the corner of the café. Upon hearing the bell, he turned to face his customer.

"Ah, Ryuji, nice to see you again." He smiled politely, "I'll call him down." Ryuji could only nod, trying to understand why Sojiro was standing there and who he was calling. He faced the stairs and yelled up to the attic dweller that they had a visitor. It was a scene Ryuji had seen many times over the course of the few months, but it seemed so foreign in this situation.

Ryuji took the chance to take a better look at the café. The coffee beans still lined the back wall behind the counter, the booths still had the same comfy feel and even Sayuri still clung to the wall in the corner, adding a certain elegant air to the café.

"I'm glad you've come by, 'Yuj," A hauntingly familiar voice greeted him as his attention was dragged back towards the staircase up to Akira's attic room. Ryuji froze. Why is Akira there? He's outside isn't he? His brain ran thousands of scenarios of why Akira was standing a few feet away from him, in his white shirt and jeans and not outside the building with everyone else wearing his Metaverse garb, only to land on one explanation. It was his cognitive version of Akira. "I missed you."

Ryuji's mouth opened and then closed again, desperately trying to think of how to reply with a brain that had short-circuited. Akira's steely silver eyes stared directly into his chocolate brown. Ryuji saw more love in that one gaze than he'd ever seen anyone give. 

"H-hey, dude." He stammered, embarrassingly.

His heart skipped a beat as Akira slowly walked towards him, only stopping when their noses were practically touching. He could feel the ebony haired boy's breath on his lips, making him flinch slightly as the memory of Akira's Shadow shoving him away re-emerged. 

Instead, Akira simply smirked at him, gently cupped his bright red face and pulled him in. Akira's lips found the flustered blonde's. Holy shit, he even tastes like coffee, Ryuji thought, immediately filing that thought away. He melted into the kiss, moving his own arms to rest on the boy's sides. For that one single moment, he didn't care whether this was his own cognition giving him what he wanted, he'd waited for so long to kiss this boy and he was not going to let the opportunity slide.

"R-Ryuji?" A voice called out from behind him, startling the blonde out of the kiss. Panicked, he pushed the cognitive version of Akira away, suddenly feeling his mind being pulled back to reality.

"S-Shit, uh!" Ryuji swore, spinning around to see Joker wearing a look of confusion and something else Ryuji couldn't quite place.

"You rushed off on your own and I was worried something had happened to you again…" Joker pulled at his gloves, out of a mix of nerves and habit.

"I… I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that… Dammit!" He yelled, sudden emotions surged up from inside him causing him to lose control and slam his fist down onto the nearby table. "I always cause more trouble for you, huh? I don't deserve for you to be here helpin' me." He almost snarled.

"Ryuji…" Joker's voice wobbled, almost like he was trying to hold back a barrage of tears. "You are the best thing that's happened to me in this sorry excuse of a year. Hell, you're the best thing that's happened to me full stop."

"I've done nothin' but drag you into my problems from day one, dude, how can you still stand to be around me!" Ryuji all but screamed.

"You didn't 'drag' me anywhere, I stayed with you because I wanted to be, 'Yuj. You stuck with me even with the rumours going around school, you help brighten my day just by being yourself, you always think of others before yourself - sometimes too much, but that's not a bad thing - and I appreciate you so much and I feel terrible that I never told you any of this before."

Ryuji opened his mouth to argue back but Joker pulled him into a tight embrace before he could. Taking a deep breath, he plunged into his next sentence like he was diving into an endless ocean.

"I love you, Ryuji Sakamoto. Maybe I should've told you earlier so you didn't have to get a cognitive version of me to kiss but here we are." He felt Ryuji softly chuckle in his arms. 

"For real? Y-You really do? Love me, I mean." Ryuji asked, partially shifting out of Joker's arms so he could be face to face. The blonde's face was apprehensive, unsure and stained with silent tears. Joker slowly brought his hands up to Ryuji's cheeks and softly wiped them away.

"I really do." Joker confirmed. Quickly taking a glance up towards the staircase, Joker could slowly see the smiling cognition of himself slowly fade. 

He brought his attention back to the still sniffling blonde. His trademark bright smile returned to his face, filling Joker with happiness. Carefully, he placed a kiss on the bleach blonde's forehead. Ryuji buried his head in Joker's chest, clinging to him as if to ground himself, fearing that if he let go it would all slip away and he'd wake up again.

"Hey, 'Yuj… The others are standing guard outside." Joker softly spoke. "I can tell them to stay there if you want, just know that you're not alone and they're all here to help. We care about you, Ryuji."

Ryuji took a deep breath, and opened his mouth to speak. 

Suddenly, the lights inside the café flickered for a second and the eerie sound of Ryuji's distorted laugh floated down the stairs, making both boys freeze in place and Ryuji to shut his mouth closed again.

"Ha, they certainly don't act like it." His Shadow voice spoke for him, hopping down from the attic. "I bet they wouldn't have come here if their leader hadn't told them to, isn't that right?" It sneered, shooting golden daggers into Joker's soul. He narrowed his eyes in return, carefully observing the Shadow’s movements.


	4. Chapter 4

Ryuji lifted his head back up, the loneliness and sadness returning to the brown of his eyes. 

"What good does it do to keep around a pathetic loser with a dodgy leg? They know how worthless it is to keep him around so they treat him for what he is. A joke." The Shadow spat, getting increasingly more angry the further it continued down the path of Ryuji's emotions. "He could die in a ditch and they wouldn't bat an eyelid!"

Joker's arms wrapped tighter around Ryuji, protecting the slightly shaking boy who shoved his head back to Joker's chest again. Ryuji focused on the steady thump of the other boy's heartbeat in an attempt to calm down and get his thoughts together.

"That's not true!" Ryuji's muffled voice came from the leader's arms after a few moments. "Stop it!"

The Shadow flashed a signature smirk, golden eyes glistening in the dim lights of Leblanc. "You should know better than to deny me, Sakamoto. Speakin' up like this last time cost you your leg and your entire future, didn't it?"

Ryuji flinched again.

"That wasn't my fault." He practically whispered.

"It doesn't matter either way though, does it, 'track traitor'?" It hissed. "You still ruined their dreams. You ruined their lives. You are nothing, Ryuji Sakamoto."

The normally calm and collected leader was nowhere to be seen, only Akira with a look of pure anger and guilt on his face stood before them.

"There's no place for an insignificant waste of space like you. You'd be better off dead."

Ryuji could feel the energy drain out of him as he slumped further into Joker. 

That voice whispering things like that in his ear had been muted when he'd met Akira and they started their thievery, but it was only temporary. It had soon faded back into his head the more members they gained and the more chances he had to fuck up their plans with his big mouth.

He could feel the strong arms wrapped around him start to shake. Taking a glance at Joker's face, he normally saw warmth and safety. The mask clad leader showed no signs of that, he had a dark expression locked onto the Shadow, like a predator ready to pounce on its prey.

Two sounds suddenly stunned both the boys before anyone could act. The sound of the café door slamming against the wall and Futaba's sobbing.

"Don't you dare talk about my best friend like that!"

\-----

"Ryuji, wait!" Joker called out to the boy that had darted from the pack and into Leblanc.

"Classic Ryuji, running off without listening to us." Mona sighed. Joker narrowed his eyes at the cat.

"Knock it off." He said, sternly.

"What do we do, Joker? He could be running into a trap." Queen commented, folding her arms.

Joker looked around at the surrounding area again. Turning back to face Queen, he shook his head. "I don't think so, look at how perfectly Leblanc is standing. If I had to take a guess I'd say he thinks of here as his safe space."

"Why Leblanc? Wouldn't his own home be a safe space too?" Panther noted.

"Possibly. But for some reason this holds more significance with Ryuji's heart." Fox tagged on, slowly noticing the cracks in their leader's mask the more observations they made.

"I'll follow him. I want you all to stay on guard out here, there may not have been any shadows yet but stay alert." Joker ordered. The group nodded and watched their leader disappear into the café.

Oracle took her position knelt near the door, translucent screens covering her vision before she found the one she needed.

"Found anything, Oracle?" Panther asked, stationed next to her. They had tried looking through the window only to find it had been frosted over and impossible to see through.

"I'm listening in now." The young thief stared at the screen showing a moving sound wavelength intently before giving Panther a cheeky grin. "Mwehehe! Pay up, Panther, I win this bet."

"No way, Akira said it first?! I was so sure Ryuji would just blab it…" She sighed, making a mental note to give Futaba her winnings when they left the Metaverse.

"Did you really make a bet over our friend's love life?" Queen asked, the disapproval clear in her voice. Both girls nodded with no hesitation. "Why am I not surprised?" The brunette gave an exasperated sigh.

The smile from Oracle's face suddenly faded as a voice coming from inside Leblanc caught her attention back to the screen.

Observant as ever, Fox noticed her sudden change first. "Is something the matter, Oracle?"

"His Shadow's back." She almost whispered.

"Are they okay in there? Do they need us?"

Oracle fell silent again. Her eyes shimmering and on the brink of tears.

"Oracle?"

"There's no place for an insignificant waste of space like you. You'd be better off dead."

The Shadow's words echoed around her head. Screens surrounding her vanished one by one as she shot up from her crouching stance. Ignoring the yells from the rest of the team, she reached for the handle and practically pulled the door to the cognitive version of Leblanc from its hinges.

"Don't you _dare_ talk about my best friend like that!" She yelled, tears freely falling now. She couldn't stop them now even if she wanted to anyway.

The Shadow shrugged with a smug grin on its face, recovering quickly from the sudden appearance of the small navigator.

"I'm just voicin' his thoughts, don't go yelling at me."

"Are you serious right now? Don’t be stupid, pull yourself together, Ryuji!" Mona yelled in frustration, leading the rest of the frantic team into the café.

"Morgana!" Joker's voice echoed around the room, anger fueling his tone. Ryuji gripped onto him even stronger and the team flinched at the sound of their pissed off leader.

"Ah, the effin' cat. Always dragging him down when he's trying his damn hardest to be a good thief and teammate. You know you're the main triggerin' factor for this Palace, right?"

"I… I am?" Mona looked wide-eyed at the pair clinging to each other. Disappointment clouded Joker's face whilst Ryuji hid his, but not before Mona caught a glimpse of embarrassment and sadness.

_"I should've known an idiot like you wouldn't understand."_ Mona's own voice echoed around the room while the cat in question stood silent. Ryuji's voice followed on.

__

"I'm tryin', dammit! Why can't he see that?!"

__

_"At least I'm not bad at every subject!"_ It was Panther's voice that surprised the group this time.

_"I'm not smart, I know that! I'm tryin' my hardest! Not that it ever pays off. Why should I even bother? I'll never make ma's life easier with such a massive disappointment as a son."_

"Ryuji…" Panther said, apologetically.

He didn't answer. Instead, Ryuji let go of Joker and slumped to the floor. It felt like the longer the Shadow brought out his buried memories and feelings, the more his will to fight left him. 

The sudden drop of Ryuji from his arms startled Joker. The black haired teen knelt down in front of him. "Ryuji?"

Before Ryuji got a chance to reply to his best friend Fox's voice started playing, making him freeze up again.

_"You were careless. I don't think you understood how high the stakes were."_

Queen and Oracle's tagged on afterwards.

_"Skull, please use your brain for once."_

__

__

_"I sense no charm from you, Ryuji."_

"Stop it!" The blonde haired boy screamed, covering his ears in an attempt to block out just some of the little things he'd replayed in his head for months.

The team stood silently, guilty looks plastered on their faces. None of them daring to apologise or speak first.

"Y'see? He's been lockin' all this shit away from the get-go." The dark haired Ryuji began to speak again. "And you, Akira… Our 'great, fantastic and fearless leader' get the gold effin' star for watchin' the track team beat the shit out of him and doing nothin' to help."

Akira's anger vanished only to be replaced by his now familiar sinking feeling of failure and guilt. Shakily, he placed a small kiss on the top of the slumped and trembling Ryuji's head.

"I'm sorry, Ryuji, I'm so sorry for that." He mumbled into the golden spikes. He hoped his apology got through despite the hands covering the boy's ears.

"R-Ryuji…" Mona's timid voice found its way out. "I never realised I was affecting you this badly..."

Gradually, Ryuji pulled his hands slowly away from his head. His hands continued to shake as he looked for Joker's hand for stability. His gaze drifted to the distraught feline.

Sighing deeply, he answered. "I never told ya. Figured it'd be waved off as me whinin' again."

"You should've told us," Joker whispered, fearing that if he brought his voice any louder it would give away his weak side. The side he would reserve for Ryuji only. "You should've told me. I'm not only meant to be your leader, I'm meant to be your best friend, someone you can vent to and ask for help."

Mona couldn't help but look at the blonde with a horrible, heartbreaking feeling that he'd helped break the one person that was dear to Joker.

"No one would believe me even if I tried." Ryuji whispered. His voice had lost its usual energetic tone and his face showed the true extent of his exhaustion.

"That's not true!" Panther yelled.

"Are you really sure about that?" The Shadow took back over talking for Ryuji. "He's the laughin' stock of this group, isn't that what you really think of him? The one you can rely on to take the hit for you, the one you couldn't give less of a shit about. He is alone. There's none of those Shadows you keep waiting around for 'cause he believes he doesn't deserve anyone."

Joker carefully eased the trembling Ryuji into a nearby booth and softly took his face into his gloved hands.

"Ryuji, look at me. You trust me, right?" Joker asked, searching through his hazelnut eyes. Ryuji nodded. "I love you, I'm going to help you through this so you're never alone again."

Joker slowly leaned in, ignoring the hammering of his own heart and the rest of the group for this moment. Ryuji once again felt the warmth of his best friend - or should he say boyfriend now? - on his lips. Nothing could've prepared him for the massive amount of love he felt kissing the real Akira Kurusu.

"I love you too." Ryuji gasped as they parted from their kiss. Joker felt himself genuinely smile for the first time in a while. Reluctantly, the masked thief turned back to the rest of his friends.

"Oracle, did you get enough data to form a direct route here? Just in case." He asked.

"I think so, providing nothing changes in between, yeah." She answered, searching through her Persona's screens.

Joker gave her a quick nod in acknowledgement before facing Ryuji's tattered Shadow. "I think you know what I'm going to ask you." It carded a hand through it's disheveled black hair.

"Why should I tell you where the treasure is?" It argued, albeit more saddened than angry this time. "Why do you want to save me?"

"Because you may be his Shadow, but you're still a part of him. I'm not leaving without my boyfriend-" Ryuji blushed. "-and teammate knowing that he is loved, appreciated and wanted."

An enthusiastic 'yeah!' came from Futaba in the back.

Mona stepped forward, having had enough time to sort through his feelings.

"I might have gone too far with my jabs and taunts-- No, I did go too far, I think I knew all along. I think I ended up using you as a way of coping with my own shortcomings. I am useless, I know this, but I shouldn't have pushed it onto you. I'm sorry, Ryuji." The cat finished his apology facing the real Ryuji, who was desperately wiping at his eyes with his blazer sleeve.

"Ryuji, I'm so sorry if I ever made you feel that I didn't want you around." Panther started, tears already beginning to flow down her cheeks. "You were the one who understood what I was going through with Kamoshida, you helped me and more importantly, you helped Shiho. Ryuji, you took action when no one else did." She sniffed. "I should've acted more like a friend to you, I'm sorry."

The blonde in question looked ready to break down again. Joker held tight to his hand.

"Ryuji… I deeply apologise for how I have treated you in the past, it was not my intention to let my actions affect you in such a way." Said Fox, somewhat shakily. Not that anyone blamed him, they were all rattled by how much Ryuji had kept bottled away from everyone. "Had you not insisted you return to Madarame's house, I fear I wouldn't be here today." He admitted.

Behind the front line of Panther, Fox and Oracle, stood Queen. Her initial stance on the blonde track star hadn't been the best, considering the rumours that surrounded both Ryuji and Kamoshida at the time. She couldn't excuse the continuation of her behaviour towards him, no matter which way she looked at it.

"I owe you an apology too, I also want you to know that you've been a huge help to the Phantom Thieves. From what I've heard we wouldn't exist as a group if you hadn't stepped up. You're strong, Ryuji. Stronger than you give yourself credit for."

"I agree!" Oracle shouted. "You understand me better than anyone too!" Joker gave her a small look of mock offence. "Besides you, you moron." Ryuji let out a small laugh while Joker shined his signature smirk. Oracle shakily smiled back at the couple. "I don't know if I could go on without you, I can't lose anyone else." She sniffed, eyes misting up with more tears.

"What makes you think he’ll believe you all?" Ryuji's Shadow spoke up. "Do you really believe one little apology will change anything?"

"Stop talkin' for me for once." Ryuji stopped the Shadow. Tear stains covered his cheeks and his eyes were red from the amount of overwhelming emotions the team threw his way. 

Joker's eyes snapped back to his boyfriend. "Ryuji?"

"I believe them and that should be enough for you. I'm probably always gonna question whether they want me or not, I'm always gonna have doubts and anxieties, but these guys are gonna be there to remind me that I'm where I belong." 

The blonde stood up, sighing heavily.

"All the shit you said was true and I tried runnin' away from that 'cos there's no way I was ready to hear it, never mind for any of them to hear it. But I'm done. I'm done runnin' away and I'm done bottlin' all this crap inside. If you're me, you'll know I've made up my mind." Ryuji stared into his messy black haired reflection with determination newly shining within his chocolate brown eyes. 

The Shadow didn't say anything. It simply closed its eyes, nodded and turned to face the staircase. A mucky hand beckoned them to follow it up the stairs.

"I'm proud of you for doing that." Joker whispered in Ryuji's ear before placing a kiss on his cheek. Ryuji's face flushed and he let out a yelp in surprise.

"Dude! Give a guy some warning!"

Joker just chuckled in response.

Ryuji led the emotionally drained pack up the creaky stairs of the café to the safe haven of its attic. It was as if they had never left reality. Everything was still in its spot, decorations just as Joker had placed them, with Ryuji's gift of the ramen bowl taking centre stage on his old shelving. The low glow of the lights made the area feel warm and cozy against the harsh darkness of his Palace.

When everyone had filed up the stairs and into the main event, Ryuji spotted a familiar piece of paper in the hands of his Shadow.

"You'll be wantin’ this then." It said as soon as it realised where Ryuji's eyes had laid on.

"Hey, isn't that…?"

"The photo I took when we officially made the Phantom Thieves? Yup." Ryuji finished for Panther, letting the end of his sentence pop.

"W-wait, hold on… Your distortion started that long ago? Ryuji, you should've said something! We would've stopped-!" 

Ryuji involuntarily flinched, something between guilt and shame flickered in him.

"We're beyond that reasoning now, Panther." Queen cut her off. "We're all to blame here. We shouldn't have started this behaviour to begin with." 

Sighing a 'I know', Panther's gaze returned to the picture.

"Ryuji? Are you sure you're okay?" Joker asked, standing directly next to the blonde.

He let out a shaky laugh. "No, but I gotta do this. I can't let you down, not again…"

Joker frowned slightly. "It's okay, 'Yuj, I'm right here with you." He said, giving Ryuji's hand a reassuring and comforting squeeze.

"Why." The distorted voice snapped, narrowing its eyes to scrutinize the group.

The room froze, seemingly hearing all of the Shadow's venom and animosity through the one word.

"What do you mean why?" Joker asked, cautiously.

"Why do you all suddenly care now? Why do you want me gone? Why did you all come here? Not one of you treated him with respect, why the fuck are you pretending now?!" It roared, clearly unimpressed with Ryuji's earlier admission.

"We've always cared about him!"

"Bullshit!" 

The photo in its hand crumpled as it balled it's fists up in red-hot anger.

"We needed our friend back!" Oracle cried.

"Don't give me that crap!"

A sudden lightning clap outside startled the Thieves and gave the Shadow form of Ryuji a momentary eerie glow.

"I told you how I feel, you should know!" Ryuji shouted, feeling his own emotion bubble up.

"You expected me to believe that? I am you. I know you never wanted to be saved, did you?! You were fine with just being allowed to stay with the Phantom Thieves! You knew they would never fully believe in you, take your ideas in or trust in you! You’re a disappointment to everyone around you - a failure!” 

All the previous anger and sadness came flooding out from the Shadow. Ryuji felt a familiar pang of guilt at knowing it was telling the truth. Or at least saying things that Ryuji had thought in the past.

Another crash and a flash of light from outside shook the café.

"Is… Is that getting closer?" Panther quietly asked, looking around at the concerned faces of her fellow thieves. A small nod from Queen gave Panther a very bad feeling. She felt Carmen sense the same feeling and took a defensive stance, ready to protect them at any moment.

"You don't get it. I don't deserve help. _He_ doesn't deserve help. We're fuck ups no matter how much you try and fix us." The rumbling continued. Ryuji's Shadow trembled with the amount of anger and growing fury it contained, the glowing golden eyes sharp and deadly. "We should just disappear."

The incoming storm slowly crept in, growing stronger and louder with Ryuij’s shadow counterpart’s rage.

Watching the Shadow copy of Ryuji cry and lash out in pure fury and desperation made Joker's heart ache. Knowing the person he held so close was hurting so badly, and for so long made the insecurities and anxiety in the leader grow. If he'd completely missed the signs in his best friend, could he have missed them in another teammate? 

No. 

He didn't miss the signs.

He had let them happen and had the nerve to think it wouldn't affect his own personal sunshine that shone from Ryuji. It was gradually darkened and he didn't do a thing to stop it. He would bring that light back this time; to him and everyone around them. That could be his way of atoning for his behaviour, he thought.

The Shadow span to face the long attic window, waiting and watching as the flashes of light illuminated the room again and again.

“So that's why… I can’t let you take the treasure."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this took so long!  
> hopefully the final chapter won't take as long to get done ^^"
> 
> also spent far too long trying to find out what the PT had said to Ryuji in the past so eventually I just guessed with Makoto


	5. Chapter 5

"You're not changin' my heart. I don't want it!" Ryuji's Shadow roared, shaking the entire building.

"W-what's happening?!" Mona asked, his big eyes wide and darting around the room for answers.

"The… the scenery is changing!" Oracle yelled.

Ryuji took a step towards the back of his Shadow. "That's bullshit! Of course I want it changin'!"

"You can't hide shit from me, I am you, remember! You'd rather drown in your self-pity than ask for help from your so-called friends. You drag them down enough as it is anyway, isn't that right?"

"Hell no!"

A loud bang coming from directly outside the building startled the group. If you asked Ryuji he'd say it almost sounded like cannon fire from a pirate ship. Almost like firing an attack with Captain Kidd.

"Stop denying yourself! You know what I'm sayin' is true!"

"You ain't winnin' this!" Ryuji yelled.

"Wanna bet?" His mirror image snarled.

With a snap of the Shadow's fingers the ceiling ripped off with a crash and the walls of the attic collapsed outwards revealing the full extent of the violent storm that surrounded the building, locking them inside and blocking their vision of cognitive Yongen. 

"Oracle! What's happening?!" Joker called, trying to get a hold of the situation.

Screens whooshed around the smaller thief as she scanned everything in the area before coming to a halt when she came to the Shadow that had turned back around to face them. "It… It's changing forms! Ryuji's Shadow is getting ready to attack!"

"What the eff?!" He cried in disbelief.

Joker darted from the blonde's side to in front of the boy. "Ryuji! Stay behind me!"

Ryuji didn't know what to do. He simply stared at the form that was once his Shadow.

Red and black splodges covered its body and a dilapidated pirate ship bubbled up underneath the Shadow from the floor as if rising from underwater. Slowly, the splodges faded away to reveal what looked like Captain Kidd, but damaged and broken. His right leg was completely snapped off, which caused him to lean further onto the fragile ship for support and his clothes were tattered and mucky. The wooden ship itself was covered in cannon fire holes, the fences were splintered and barely holding on. The face at the front of the ship had faded so much it was barely recognisable.

"Kidd…" Ryuji gasped at the sight of his once glorious Persona now so broken.

His brain started to fill his head with questions that he wasn't sure he could ever give the answers to.

Why did he deserve a Persona in the first place? How he did fuck up so badly he formed a Palace? Does he even want to be saved? Maybe it's better that he rots away here?

_I just wanted to be needed._

Suddenly, a sharp pain shot through his head, sending him unconscious and collapsed to the floor.

"Ryuji?!" Oracle shouted, quickly noticing her friend fall to the ground.

Joker's heart leapt out of his chest at the distressed shout from his sister. Fearing the worst, he darted to Ryuji's side.

"Ryuji!”

“He’s okay, Joker, just unconscious! We need to deal with that first!” She pointed at the former Persona. The Shadow twisted Captain Kidd's face into a grin and fired one of the ship's cannons at Joker.

Barely managing to dodge to the side, Joker watched the lightning strike between him and the unconscious Ryuji, leaving a scorch mark on the floor.

"Be careful!"

"Queen, Fox, Mona! With me! Panther, protect Ryuji from any stray attacks!" Joker ordered while fixing his gloves.

His dark silver eyes burned with determination as he reached up for his mask, returning the first attack with a Garudyne straight back to the broken captain. Mona wasted no time in adding a wind attack of his own to the mix. 

The Shadow seemed to sway off balance for a second before righting itself and firing another cannon, this time at Queen.

Bracing herself for the attack at the last minute, she crossed her arms in front of her face. The strong, powerful bolts of lightning sent her stumbling back a few paces. Fox darted over and caught the brunette before she could lose her footing.

"Queen! Are you okay?!" Joker shouted.

"Yes, but I'm not sure how many of those lightning attacks I can take. We need a plan of attack, and soon." She said, pulling herself back up.

Oracle, already hovering above the team in her Persona, tapped away at several screens. "I've got an idea, give me a few minutes! Keep him busy!"

Nodding, Fox lashed out with a strong slash from his katana. It grazed along the side of the wooden boat, leaving a trail where the edge had been and splintering bits of the wood. Joker followed it up with a flurry of attacks from his dagger causing chunks of wood to come flying off. 

Not that it seemed to bother Captain Kidd. The run-down skeleton continued his onslaught of attacks on the group and the thieves pressed on to counter them. Until eventually, after Joker had only barely managed to catch his breath and dodge the last strike, Oracle called out to the team.

"I'm ready!"

Joker nodded up to her. "Whatever you've got, do it!"

Pushing a button on a screen inside her Persona made a giant projection pop up in the battlefield. A video started playing, catching the fragile skeleton's attention.

" _Great navigating today, 'Taba. Wanna wind down with some video games?_ " Ryuji's voice said, with a gleaming grin on his face. Snippets of encouragement and positive comments towards not only Oracle but the rest of the team during Metaverse missions echoed out around the room.

Oracle carefully observed the Shadow as her makeshift video continued, unaware of the real Ryuji stirring from his unconscious state. Joker didn't miss a beat and dashed to his side almost immediately.

The next scene had Ryuji chase after Yusuke, who seemed to be deep in thought, in the train station. 

" _Yusuke! Have you eaten today? Let's go to that ramen place again, it's on me!_ " Ryuji had said with another bright smile that brought the warmth of the sun with him and made Joker's heart hurt.

The Shadow seemed rattled by the ongoing compilation of small but meaningful things they'd all remembered about the bleach blonde. Joker took note that the hurricane surrounding them slowly died down the more it watched.

A sniff from Ryuji caught Joker's attention. "Y-you remembered all of that?"

"Of course we did." Oracle said, temporarily leaving her Persona to stand next to the boy. Tears streamed down her face but she tried to keep herself together the best she could. Before she could say anything more, Ryuji caught her in a crushing hug.

"Do you believe us now?" Queen softly said to the distracted Shadow. Kidd seemed to slump further onto his leaning post of the ship, as if in defeat and the ship tilted to one side at a dangerous angle. "...Yes."

"Good. We do need you, Ryuji. More than you think." The brunette placed a hand on a non-splintered part of the hull. "We need our Captain."

Ryuji finally let go of Oracle. He stood up to face his old Persona, with the help of Joker on his right. 

"You've been right this whole time. I knew that. I guess I couldn't accept it though.." His eyes fell to the floor. "I was stupid and fell into old habits of pushin' everyone away 'cause I was scared I'd get thrown away again. I wanted to be important, I wanted to be helpful to this team. I wanted to be useful. I wanted someone to say 'we need you' for once in my life.” He stopped to look at the raven haired teen that never left his side. He returned the look with an encouraging smile and a comforting arm around his shoulders. “I… I wanted Joker to say it most of all. But instead, I lost Kidd at the worst point and put everyone in danger 'cause of this shit… And I was a jerk to you, 'kira. I'm so sorry for that." Ryuji leaned into his arms. Joker moved a hand to card through his blonde hair. He wasn't sure who he was trying to calm more, himself or Ryuji but it helped both teens either way.

"It's okay, 'Yuj. We’re all here for you, and we most definitely need you."

Encouraging words of agreement came from the surrounding team mates.

Suddenly, Queen took a step back as the ship creaked and then collapsed, leaving Captain Kidd in a heap and causing the whirlwind to stop to reveal the rundown buildings and maze hedges again. Slowly, he morphed back into Ryuji's original Shadow. "Took ya long enough to fully come to your senses." It said with Ryuji's slightly twisted voice. 

Shakily, the Shadow stood back up. It moved towards the exhausted couple still leaning against each other and handed Ryuji the crumpled photo.

"You'll be needing this back." It spoke, before being engulfed in a warming blue light. Ryuji felt the familiar feeling of awakening to his Persona, without the splitting headache this time, thankfully.

The Shadow lifted off the group and hovered for a second and shifted to show Captain Kidd in his original glory.

"It's… his original Captain Kidd again." Oracle gasped. "Wait no, it’s changing!"

The light flashed again, momentarily blinding the thieves but Ryuji could feel the familiar power coming from his Persona. When the group looked back, it was no longer Captain Kidd. Instead stood a red, tall monkey-like figure with very tall yellow spikes going down in a line on the middle of its head. In its hand it held a long bat with spikes on either end. A bright yellow cape flowed down towards the dark menacing cloud it stood upon.

"You've done well to conquer your demons." It said to the blonde teen.

Ryuji watched in awe at his evolved Persona as it vanished in another small flash of light. The welcome feeling of his skull mask returning to his face stunned Ryuji as he brought his hand up to check it was still there and this wasn’t another trick by his heart.

Yusuke smiled as his and the rest of the group's phantom thief attire changed into his regular school uniform, “Welcome back, Skull.”

“T-thanks, man.”

A sudden tremor caught the thieves off guard.

“Ryuji got his Persona back and got the treasure, we need to go! The Palace is collapsing!” Futaba yelled, quickly reading the scans from her own Persona.

“Surely we don’t need to go back through the maze?” The Bufu user queried, bringing a gloved hand to his chin in a thinking pose.

Futaba took a minute to look through her screens. “I can’t see any other way!”

Akira momentarily let go of Ryuji to scour his pockets. “Are you serious? The one damn day I don’t have a Goho-M…”

“Hang on a sec.” Ryuji said. “This is my Palace, yeah? I know my heart by now, I should be able to do somethin’.” 

Another bigger and stronger tremor hit the Thieves, however Ryuji didn’t seem worried.

“Y-you made a path through?! Nice! Let’s go!” The navigator pointed to a hedge that had been pulled open.

The tremors continued, quickly coming at increasing intervals - knocking Ryuji back on his ass more than once. Eventually the path opened up to the park they originally found Ryuji at. Whatever buildings that were still standing before started to tumble down from the intensity of the quakes. Akira wasted no time in activating the Nav before anything fell and injured the team.

“Returning to the real world.”

\-----

Akira shook the residual disorientation off and quickly found himself and the team down the side of a back alley in a perfectly stable Yongen-jaya.

"We made it..." Ryuji quietly whispered from Akira's side.

Akira linked his hands with Ryuji's without hesitation, staring at his new boyfriend with all the love in the world. The blonde looked down at their hands with an expression of surprise before it softened to adoration.

"Will you stay with me tonight?" Akira asked, shifting his glasses out of nerves. Ryuji nodded and smiled with his signature grin. A sight that made Akira's heart skip a few beats and made his brain focus on nothing but kissing the beautiful boy in front of him.

"Get a room!" Ann teased from the back of the group.

Akira quickly yelled his retort back at her. "I'm trying!"

"Aki!" Ryuji squeaked, blushing furiously.

Akira shrugged with a playful smirk on his face. A sudden thud against his side made him stumble slightly at the same time Ryuji seemed to be pushed further into Akira. Looking to where the impact happened, he saw Futaba, clinging to both teens in a death grip.

"You scared me to death, Ryuji!"

"And may I ask why you grabbed me too?" Akira queried, gently placing a hand on Futaba's back.

"Because you two are so adorable I didn't want to split you up." She said matter-of-factly. Akira seemed to consider something for a second before nodding. "Fair."

"I-I'm sorry, Futaba." Ryuji fully embraced her grip. "I didn't mean to."

Akira heard the telltale signs of Yusuke grabbing his sketchpad. He flicked to a new page and tried to capture the moment as quickly as possible with the pencil he had.

Ann was beaming behind them all, tapping frantically on her phone to alert Shiho that the ship had finally sailed. Making sure to omit the Palace related details, she kept her girlfriend up to date.

Makoto stood nearby, hands held together in front of her, and observed the scene with a gentle smile. She couldn't help but wonder how things would go from here. Would the Phantom Thieves simply fall back into their same habits and potentially put Ryuji in a worse position? She truly wanted to believe in her team, but a certain cat that looked like he'd not slept for a week made her faith falter.

The cat in question felt guilt like he never had before. He'd practically set that Palace up for Ryuji with his big mouth and lack of filter for his brain. He had to try and make things right.

"Ryuji…" The cat started, catching said teen's attention. "I… I'm sorry. I'm sorry I said all those mean and hurtful things to you. I… didn't want to be left behind or be the useless one. I know that's no excuse but--"

"No, it ain't." Ryuji scratched the back of his head and sighed. "But then again, I didn't exactly help by throwin' it back in your face…"

"Ryuji…" Akira whispered.

"I was in the wrong too. Just 'cause all of this shit happened to me doesn't mean I get a free pass… You know that, right? So… If you wanna yell at me now, I can take it." He said, taking a deep breath, his hand still clinging to Akira's.

Morgana wiped a tear away with his paw. "I think I've already done enough damage to you, Ryuji. I just wanted you to know I'm sorry and it won't happen again. You belong with the Phantom Thieves. You belong with us."

Ryuji, for the first time since meeting the cat, felt like he was being genuine and heartfelt towards him. "I knew you had a heart in there somewhere." He joked, letting go of Akira's hand to scruff up the top of the cat's head, earning some disgruntled yowls from Morgana.

Makoto politely cleared her throat before unfortunately breaking up the happy ending the group seemed to be having. "We should probably be heading home now. I'm glad you're okay, Ryuji." She smiled. The blonde gave her a grin and a thumbs up.

"Thanks, Makoto. I'm exhausted, though. I don't remember awakening to a Persona to be this tirin'..." He yawned as if proving his point.

"Let's go get you a nap." Akira said, reluctantly peeling Futaba away from the couple. "He'll still be here tomorrow, Futaba, don't worry." He chuckled.

"He better had! You owe me a Mario Kart race!" She pointed towards Ryuji with a stern look on her face. He laughed, "You're on, 'taba."

After tearful, happy goodbyes were said and hugs were shared around, Akira led them out of the alley and directed those that needed it back to the station. Futaba walked back to her home, Morgana following behind her with the excuse of giving the new couple some space.

He made a mental note to treat them sometime as a big thank you. He couldn't imagine where he or Ryuji would be if they hadn't joined him in time.

Not that he wanted to think about that situation. His hand automatically gripped Ryuji's a little more as an anchor. Something solid that let Akira know he was here. He was alive.

"'kira? Are you okay?" Ryuji's voice said as they slowly walked back to Leblanc.

Akira let out a breathy laugh. "Just thinking about how much I love you."

"It's not even been a day and you're already startin' with the sappy shit." He said with an amused grin.

"Of course, what else did you expect from me?" Akira said, opening the door to the café for Ryuji and motioning him to enter. A warm smile plastered onto his face.

Sojiro stood behind the counter, as usual. Ryuji instinctively flinched from his earlier encounter.

"It's okay, 'Yuj." Akira whispered in his ear and then planted a kiss on his cheek. "I'm right here, you're okay."

Sojiro did not miss Akira's actions and narrowed his eyes, almost scrutinising the pair. "Wait, did I miss something here?"

"I- uh, well… Y'see--!" Ryuji floundered for words.

"I asked him to be my boyfriend earlier today." Akira supplied, noticing the flustered blonde.

Sojiro looked wide-eyed at them both which softened into an understanding, gentle smile. "Ah, that must be why you looked so panicked earlier… Well, congratulations but don't make a lot of noise up there." He smirked, picking up the newspaper and pen and started working on the crossword.

"Sojiro!" The raven haired teen yelped, turning crimson before gently prompting Ryuji to head upstairs. The blonde tried to confine his giggles as the couple scampered up.

As Ryuji collapsed on Akira's bed, he sighed heavily, letting out a mixture of happiness and leftover guilt.

"What's up?" Akira said, climbing into the bed next to him and propping his head up with his hand.

"I'm just thinkin'." He took a moment before voicing his feelings and Akira patiently waited. Ryuji figured he should be more open with his best friend turned boyfriend and now was a good place to start - no matter how hard it was to voice.

"I'm happy… But I'm not at the same time y'know? You went through a lot to get me… I'm scared that you'll regret it and I'll just slip right back into those old shitty habits." He explained, staring into Akira's shimmering silver eyes. Ryuji felt a connection in those eyes that he'd never realised how deep it ran.

"I understand, but know that I'll never regret saving you. I'll never regret bringing you back to me or the team. I told you in the Metaverse and I'll tell you again now and forever; I love you, Ryuji." Akira said with a gentle firmness, shuffling slightly to envelope Ryuji in a loving embrace.

"I love you too, Akira." Ryuji's voice croaked out. He buried his face into Akira's neck.

The pair stayed like that, tangled in each other's arms, just listening to the others heartbeat or breathing. Something to keep them both calm until the couple dozed off.

\-----

"Do I really have to go to school today? I've just been through a traumatic event, y'know!" Ryuji moaned on their short walk to the station. Akira laughed.

"I know that but I'd like to see you try and explain that to the school."

The blonde seemed to consider it before sighing, scrapping the idea from his mind. "Ugh, yeah, never mind…"

"Will you be okay in class on your own?" The raven teen pulled Ryuji nearer as they piled into the crowded train full of fellow students and commuters.

"I've gotta be. I can't rely on you to be there all the time, can I?"

Akira frowned. "I know, I just can't help but worry about you…"

"I'll be fine now, Aki." The runner smiled softly. Suddenly, Ryuji's eyes blasted wide open. "Oh shit! I just left Haru on her own after the stupid stunt I pulled, huh?"

"I explained what was happening somewhat when you left." Akira supplied, remembering the confused, fluffy haired girl on the school rooftop with her plants.

"Do you think she'll be back up there today? I wanna properly apologize to her now that I'm… better."

"I can always ask her to meet us there just in case? I got her contact info last time."

The ex-runner nodded.

"Hey, somethin' I should know about? Gettin' a girl's number?" He teased.

Akira squeezed Ryuji's hand with a classic smirk. "Oh, did no one tell you? I've only got eyes for one man.”

"What a lucky guy." Ryuji replied, not being able to wipe the cheesy grin off his face.

\-----

Lunch time rolled around fairly swiftly, which relieved Ryuji to no end. Having to pretend to pay attention in class was exhausting.

As soon as the bell rang for break, he dashed out of his seat and straight to Akira's classroom and nearly barrelled the poor boy over in the process.

"Whoa! Where did you come from? Did you miss me already?" Akira asked with a hint of amusement while enjoying being strongly enveloped in a crushing hug.

"...So what if I did?" Ryuji's muffled voice said. Akira chuckled, returning the hug. 

If anyone noticed the pair being softer and closer than before, no one mentioned it after a swift glare from Akira and the daggers sent from Ann on the desk in front.

"As much as I'd love to continue to hold you all day, I believe we have someone to meet." Akira said, gently letting go of the blonde koala currently glued to his side.

"I'll look after Morgana while you're gone." Ann mentioned after the leader managed to free himself from the grasp of Ryuji. Akira thanked her whilst Ryuji gave her a thumbs up, and they left the room for their destination of the rooftop.

"Are you ready?" Akira asked, his hand prepared on the door handle.

Ryuji took a deep breath. "Yeah, she deserves an apology for my dumb ass."

"Okay, let's go then. Oh, and for the record, it's a great ass." Akira winked before throwing the door open, leaving his boyfriend a speechless, blushing mess in the doorway.

"You need to stop doin' things like that! My heart can't take it!"

"Oh! Kurusu! And Sakamoto, wasn't it?" The sweet voice of Haru drifted over to the pair. "How are you feeling today?" She said, looking concerned for the ex-athlete.

"I'm a lot better now. I just wanted to apologise for the shit I dragged you into the other day." He sheepishly rubbed the back of his head.

"Oh, don't worry, I'm just glad you're feeling better now." She smiled, almost with an angelic glow. "If anything, I want to apologize for not being able to be much of a help myself…"

Ryuji stood wide eyed at the girl. "Wha-- You did plenty! Hell, I don't wanna think about what I would've done if you hadn't found me when you did!"

"That's kind of you to say." Haru said, disturbing a bit of soil in one of the planters as she spoke. "In that case, I'm glad I was of some assistance."

Ryuji grinned, feeling emotionally lighter than before. "Hey, do you need help with anythin' up here?" He asked, glancing towards the heavy bags of compost. It made him wonder how a girl like her managed to get them up to the roof in the first place.

Spotting where his eyes had landed, Haru spoke again. "If you wouldn't mind bringing one of those bags over, that would be great!"

Akira grabbed a bag before Ryuji could even step towards it.

"I got it." He lifted it with ease, and placed it down by the gardener as gently as he could. " _You_ need to rest. I haven't forgotten about your injuries, Ryuji."

Letting out a groan to unsuccessfully cover his smile, Ryuji grabbed a nearby chair and moved it nearer to where Haru was kneeling. He swung his leg over and plonked himself backwards, leaning his chest into the back of the chair and dangled an arm over the edge. Akira knelt down between another planter and the one the older girl faced, seemingly knowing what to do almost immediately without any input from Haru.

Ryuji didn't expect gardening to be one of Akira's hobbies and yet everything new he learned about the boy, the more it amazed him and the more he fell in love.

For a while, he just sat and watched the pair chat away. He could forget about the Metaverse, Palaces and all the baggage that came with them. For that lunch break it was just three normal high schoolers enjoying each other's company. And he was happy about that.

He didn’t feel that lingering worry about going back to the Phantom Thieves either. Ryuji knew things wouldn’t change overnight but the constant buzz of anxiety didn’t seem to make an appearance. Seiten Taisei hummed calmly in the back of his mind, as if to remind him he’d be okay.

For once, he finally felt like he was finding his proper place in the dysfunctional, rag-tag bunch of friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! I'm not dead! finally finished the final chapter!  
> thank you so much for all of your kudos and comments!  
> I'm still writing fics (one being a NG+ AkiRyu, the other being a RyuGoro Traitor AU) so feel free to follow me on tumblr or twitter (@ryliahh) for when they go up ^^  
> <3

**Author's Note:**

> come shout at me for hurting the sunshine boy at; eryth-sea-alcamoth.tumblr.com


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